Monday 31 October 2016

Happy Halloween! 💜🔮🌜🌝🌛 #happyhalloween



Happy Halloween! 💜🔮🌜🌝🌛 #happyhalloween



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Morganite or Pink Emerald is The Stone of Divine Love

Morganite or Pink Emerald, a peach or Pink Beryl that brings Divine Love into your life. A heart & higher heart chakra stone heals women emotionally & physically, helps to relieve guilt and shame.

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The most common headache treatment is a painkiller, but these pills come with a host of ugly side effects, like kidney and liver damage; plus they don’t deal with the root of the problem. The Top 4 Essential Oils for Headaches - Dr. Axe - Essential Oils - Aromatherapy


The most common headache treatment is a painkiller, but these pills come with a host of ugly side effects, like kidney and liver damage; plus they don’t deal with the root of the problem. The Top 4 Essential Oils for Headaches - Dr. Axe
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#aromatherapy #essentialoils #holistic #holistichealing #health

Buddhism | Zen quote


Zen quote
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#buddhism #buddhist #holistic #holistichealing #healing

Today’s message from the Angels is to let go and trust....



Today’s message from the Angels is to let go and trust. Trust in the universe (God/goddess) Angels that everything will work out and what will be will be. Trust that they are on your side guiding and helping you be the best you can be and more! There’s no limit to what spirit can do for us! Trust! #angel #Angels #angelreading #angeloracle #angeloraclereading #oracle #divine #goddess #trust #love #gypsy #gypsysoul #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualhealing #spiritualawakening #energyhealing #metaphysical #magic #miami #om #namaste



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Lifestyle, Food And Factors That Cause Increase Of Kapha Dosha

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Kapha Dosha is composed of earth and water elements. It has coolness and heaviness as its basic qualities. Any diet or activity that causes increase of coolness and heaviness naturally increases Kapha Dosha.   Factors that cause Kapha Dosha increase: Guru ahara – excessive consumption of heavy to […]

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Lifestyle, Food And Factors That Cause For Pitta Dosha Increase

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Anything that causes increase of heat does increase Pitta Dosha. Pitta Dosha is made up of fire and water elements. Here is the list of things that cause Pitta Dosha increase.  Pitta aggravating factors: Katu – excessive consumption of pungent foods. So, almost all spices with pungent, hot […]

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Prevention Tips And Home Remedies For Olecranon bursitis

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Students elbow is a painful swelling occurring around the bony projection (olecranon process) behind the elbow joint, commonly occurs in students. This is caused due to constant pressure on that bony part of elbow. The students are used to rest their elbow constantly on their writing tables. This […]

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Student’s Elbow: Olecranon Bursitis Causes, Symptoms, Treatment

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Students elbow is a painful swelling occurring around the bony projection (olecranon process) behind the elbow joint, commonly occurs in students. This is caused due to constant pressure on that bony part of elbow. The students are used to rest their elbow constantly on their writing tables. This […]

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Join us this Wednesday @buddhafulomyoga got Diwali candle light...



Join us this Wednesday @buddhafulomyoga got Diwali candle light yoga! #Diwali #festivaloflights #yoga #yogi #yogini #yogaeverydamnday #yogainspiration #yogachallenge #yogagangster #yogajunkie #miami #yogamiami #spiritualhealing #spiritual #spiritualjourney #light #om #namaste



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Blessed Samhain happy Halloween! #samhain #halloween #healing...



Blessed Samhain happy Halloween! #samhain #halloween #healing #spiritualhealing #ancestors #thinningoftheveil #wicca #wiccan #witch #crone #reiki #yoga #metaphysical #spiritualawakening #spiritualhealing #magic #miami #om #namaste #blessedbe



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One Simple Word That Can Change Your Life (And No, It’s Not “Thanks”)

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” ~Epictetus

About nine years back I was at the lowest point of my life.

We had been trying to start a family for close to four years by that point.

The forty-plus consecutive months of “not pregnant” verdict were starting to take their toll on me. That second line on the pregnancy test strip seemed like it would never appear. Life felt like it was a never-ending cycle of false hope that was always crushed in the end.

I wouldn’t wish that kind of despair on my worst enemy.

I am a huge believer in the power of gratitude. I tried hard to look at all that we did have and find contentment in where we were. But anywhere I turned, it seemed like all I could see was pregnant women, or moms with children. And instantly, it would pull my thoughts back to this one thing that was lacking in our life.

I sincerely believe that “thanks” is one of the most powerful words in any spoken vocabulary. And that gratitude is one of the best antidotes to many of the problems we face.

In this situation, though, where I was hanging by a thin frayed strand that threatened to snap any minute, there was another word that helped me more in keeping it together.

And that’s the simple word “yet.”

Day after day. Month after month. Year after year. I reminded myself:

I’m not pregnant yet.

It’s not our time yet.

Even as I eventually started to make peace with the fact that we would not have kids naturally, I hung on to that one word.

There’s no need to despair yet.

It’s not time to give up yet.

We just haven’t found out a workable option to start our family yet.

It is perhaps the simplest, most under-rated word in the English language. But the power it can have on transforming our outlook is immense.

“Yet” makes things less final.

Whether it is a battle with infertility, a project that isn’t going the way we expected, or a relationship that’s constantly devolving, the simple word “yet” can transform the negative thoughts in our mind into something that feels less final.

And that opens up the space to breathe. To live. To look for alternatives. To look for solutions. Or simply to get through another day.

“I failed [at something]” is so final. It feels suffocating. It leaves very little room for us to maneuver.

“I haven’t succeeded yet” transforms the exact same event into something that has hope. Something with a better future. Something we can change. Something in our control.

“Yet” makes learning easier.

After the four-year struggle with infertility, we were finally blessed with a beautiful daughter.

You would think that after the experience we had, we would have treated her like a princess and lived happily ever after.

Things didn’t quite work out like that for us.

I was at that time in a very stressful job. My daughter had amply inherited the stubbornness genes from both sides of the family tree. I used to be a bit of a control freak.

Apparently, those things don’t mix well.

Before I even knew it, my daughter and I were butting heads on a regular basis and we were stuck in daily tantrums and power struggles.

I used to perpetually feel like a lousy mom.

Until one day I had the epiphany: I’m not a bad mom. I just haven’t figured out this parenting thing yet.

Adding that one simple word to the way I thought about the situation opened the doors to learning and to keep trying until we were back on track again. It paved the way for what has been a three-year journey of discovering and embracing the positive parenting philosophy.

My daughter has blossomed right before my eyes. Our relationship has improved by leaps and bounds.

All because I now see myself as someone who has yet to learn things, instead of flogging myself when I fail (and fail I do… parenting a strong willed child is not for the weak of heart!)

“Yet” makes dealing with others easier.

Over the course of time, yet has become the default lens through with I see others around me as well.

When my daughter is being difficult I remind myself: She is not trying to get to me. She simply hasn’t learnt how to manage her emotions and behavior yet.

When a friend makes what I think is a poor choice, I tell myself: It’s not my place to change her. She hasn’t experienced her share of what life has in store for her yet.

When I’m having a rough time working with someone, I say to myself: She’s new to this. She hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet.

Just as with difficult situations, the simple word “yet” makes it easier to deal with difficult people as well.

And discovering this has been a great blessing for all my relationships.

Beware, though. Watch out for this caveat.

I would be remiss if I just focused on the positive effects of the power of “yet” and not talked about its negative impact.

Unlike some other power words like “thanks,” “yet” is not a stand-alone, but rather an amplifier of what we think.

When used in a negative context, “yet” can make things orders of magnitude worse.

For instance, when we get stuck thinking poorly of ourselves, even a success might make us think: My regular clumsiness (or ill-luck) hasn’t caught up with me yet.

We need to watch out for these, and strip them off the power of “yet” as soon as possible.

The other day my daughter and I were happily coloring together in a parent-child journal I created. She was doing a great job, so I complimented her on it.

She sat back, looked at it and said with a smile: “It does look good, doesn’t it? I just means I haven’t messed it up yet.”

She probably meant it as a self-deprecating joke, but I couldn’t let it pass.

So I replied back with a smile, “No honey. It means you’ve done a great job coloring today!”

Sometimes, there’s just no place for the word “yet.”

So now, a question for you: What is the one situation in your life right now that can be transformed by the power of “yet”?

Profile photo of Sumitha Bhandarkar

About Sumitha Bhandarkar

Sumitha is the blogger behind afineparent.com and invites you to come take a look at the unique parent-child journal she has designed which could be the most meaningful gift you could give any child! Connected Hearts Journal is a keepsake memory book parents put together with their kids and in the process have conversations, teach life lessons, build up self-esteem, instill an attitude of gratitude and so much more! Click here to find out more.

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post One Simple Word That Can Change Your Life (And No, It’s Not “Thanks”) appeared first on Tiny Buddha.



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Blue Tourmaline, Want To Develop Channelling & Mediumship?

Blue Tourmaline boosts intuition, improves communication. Develop psychic gifts such as psychic mediumship, channelling, clairaudience & clairvoyance, use at third eye & throat chakra.

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New moon affirmation. Let’s also stand with standing rock...



New moon affirmation. Let’s also stand with standing rock on this new moon and send healing energy light love and more their way! Let’s set an intention for victory!
#standingrocksiouxtribe #standingrocksioux #waterislife #nodapl #istandwithstandingrock #standingrock #mniwiconi #newmoon #newmoonmagic #newmoonblessings #healing #spiritualhealing #motherearth #om #namaste



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New moon affirmation. Let’s also stand with standing rock...



New moon affirmation. Let’s also stand with standing rock on this new moon and send healing energy light love and more their way! Let’s set an intention for victory!
#standingrocksiouxtribe #standingrocksioux #waterislife #nodapl #istandwithstandingrock #standingrock #mniwiconi #newmoon #newmoonmagic #newmoonblessings #healing #spiritualhealing #motherearth #om #namaste



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Sunday 30 October 2016

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Standing rock vigil #standingrock #standingvigil #waterislife...

Smokey Quartz Crystals For Protection & Grounding

Smokey Quartz Crystals protect you, ground & anchor you to Mother Gaia. For psychic protection, protects & transmutes negativity energy. Helpful for spiritual workers such as clairvoyants & psychics.

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Psoriatic Arthritis: Ayurveda, Treatment, Clinical Experience, Limitations

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Psoriatic arthritis develops as a complication to Psoriasis. It may develop individually without psoriasis. Psoriasis is a long lasting autoimmune disease which is characterized by patches of abnormal skin. These skin patches are typically red, itchy and scaly (silvery scales). This disease changes the life cycle of the skin […]

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Kitibha and Ekakushta: Symptoms, Treatment, Medicines

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) EkaKushta and Kitibha are generalized terms to describe Psoriasis. Kushta – skin disorders are of 18 types. Among these, the clinical presentation of two types of Kushta resembles the lesions of psoriasis. They are Kitibha Kushta and Ekakushta or Charma Kushta.  Kitibha Kushta – स्यावं किण खर स्पर्शं परुषं […]

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Psoriatic Arthritis: Useful Home Remedies, Diet, Yoga, Lifestyle Tips

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Prevention measures – Psoriatic arthritis doesn’t leave a clue before it gets manifest, especially the type which develops with the absence of classical psoriasis. If the psoriatic arthritis develops after the manifestation of psoriasis, we would have had time to prevent its complication which could come in the […]

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Happy Diwali! #Diwali #divine #sacred #goddess...



Happy Diwali! #Diwali #divine #sacred #goddess #spiritualawakening #festivaloflights #spirituality #spiritualhealing #yoga #yogi #yogini #yogapractice #yogaeverydamnday #reiki #om #namaste



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I stand with standing rock protectors #standingrocksioux...



I stand with standing rock protectors #standingrocksioux #waterislife #cleanwater #nodpl #miami #standingrock #warriors #protecters #protectorsnotprotestors #healing #sacred #divine #goddess #spiritualawakening



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Psoriatic Arthritis: Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, Epidemiology, Treatment

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Psoriasis is a medical challenge and has an autoimmune process at its backdrop, wherein your immune system which is supposed to protect you will be acting in a harmful way against your own body. Similarly Arthritis is another condition which has been giving pain and crippling the mankind […]

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Vidradhi: Causes, Pathogenesis, Types, Treatment, Medicines

Vidradhi is compared to abscess. Abscess is a collection of pus that has built up within the tissues. It is thus a confined pocket of pus that collects in the tissues, organs or spaces inside the body. They are associated with pain, swelling and redness. Vidradhi – The doshas located around the asthi or bone […]

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Visarpa: Causes, Types, Treatment, Medicines

Visarpa is a condition which has often been compared to erysipelas and herpes due to similarity in presentation. Since erysipelas doesn’t have elevated blisters we can rule it out. But most of the types of visarpa mimic erysipelas. In few types of erysipelas we can find symptoms similar to herpes zoster.  Types of Visarpa:  Agneya […]

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Visphota: Causes, Types, Treatment, Medicines

Eruptive skin disorders, bullous eruptions such as blisters are explained as Visphota in Ayurvedic text books. Visphota is generally caused by vitiated Pitta and rakta (blood), but it will present itself in various forms and may have vitiated vata and kapha also involved in the picture. Vishpota – eruptive disorders, bullous eruptions अग्नि दग्ध निभाः […]

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Larimar Stone Links You To The Goddess, Aids Communication

Larimar stone is very spiritual, and connects you to the Goddess & the Divine Feminine. It's soothing & emotionally healing, heart based, helps to remove energy blockages & relieves stress

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Saturday 29 October 2016

Coincidence And Synchronicity, Use Crystals To Make It Happen

Harness coincidence and synchronicity in your daily life. Did you know you can use specific crystals to aid the process and help it to occur more often? A powerful way to improve your life!

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#standingrock #standingrocksioux #healing #cleanwater...



#standingrock #standingrocksioux #healing #cleanwater #waterislife #motherearth #spiritualhealing #reiki #sacred #divine #goddess #om #namaste



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spiritualseeker77: No you’re not crazy - the world needs fresh... | Spiritual



spiritualseeker77:

No you’re not crazy - the world needs fresh perspectives!!! :)



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Amavata: Causes, Pathology, Treatment, Panchakarma, Medicines

Article by Dr Raghuram YS BAMS, MD (Ay) Amavata is a painful condition which has been explained in Ayurvedic texts. The disease initially manifests as a gut disorder with symptoms of indigestion and anorexia. Later the disease is seen to encroach all the tissues, mainly bones, muscles and joints and multiple organs to cause a […]

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Vatarakta: Causes, Pathogenesis, Types, Treatment

Vatarakta is a disease explained in Ayurveda involving Vata Dosha imbalance affecting Rakta Dhatu – blood tissue.  Causes of VataRakta – Lavana – Excessive consumption of salts or salty foods Amla – excessive consumption of sour foods Katu – excessive consumption of pungent foods Kshara – excessive consumption of alkaline foods Snigdha – excessive consumption […]

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Ametrine Enhances Spiritual Clarity, Unites Masculine & Feminine Energy - Crystals


Ametrine Enhances Spiritual Clarity, Unites Masculine & Feminine Energy
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Pyrite crystal meaning - Crystals


Pyrite crystal meaning
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5 Energy Processes to Clear the Chakras | Spiritual

spiritualseeker77: From...

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spiritualseeker77: Stay strong fellow spiritual seekers - you... | Spiritual



spiritualseeker77:

Stay strong fellow spiritual seekers - you are all awesome!!!



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Influence And Relation Between Buddhism On Ayurveda

Article by Dr Manasa Buddhism has been spreading the sweet message and fragrance of humanity, brotherhood and spirituality and has been one of the popular religions through many centuries. Ayurveda and Buddhism co-existed. We can find a lot of references in Buddhism related books regarding Ayurveda and Ayurvedic medicines. This shows that Ayurveda had its […]

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Morning appreciation prayer. #morningprayer #affirmations...



Morning appreciation prayer. #morningprayer #affirmations #healing #wellness #miami #spiritualawakening #spirituality #spirituality #yogaeverydamnday #yoga #reiki #reikihealing #moonmother #wombblessing #namaste #om



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Use Isochronic Tones To Develop ESP & Telepathy

Discover how Isochronic Tones and Binaural Beats can be used to develop psychic powers. Use them to enhance your ESP, telepathic gifts & remote viewing abilities.

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Friday 28 October 2016

Aurora Quartz aka Anandalite, Rainbow Quartz Crystal

Aurora Quartz, Rainbow Quartz & Anandalite: names used to describe a high vibration quartz from India. Use to aid deep meditation, kundalini awakening, spiritual healing and growth.

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Malachite Grandmother

As a child I enjoyed collecting all different types of stones, I accumulated a lot of different polished and non polished stones. I loved it so much and

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Rosemary – the wonder herb for longevity

Rosemary (Latin name ‘Rosmarinus’), which implies ‘sea dew’, is often referred to as the ‘wonder herb’, and that is not without a reason. While ancient Greeks believed that it boosted...

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VIDEO: Finding A Cure for Breast Cancer

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Each year, over 40,000 women die from breast cancer. Despite billions of dollars being spent on research, breast health outcomes have not improved in 30 years. What has increased? Overdiagnosis and overtreatment.

On the front lines of the race for a cure is Dr. Laura Esserman, MD, MBA a cutting-edge breast surgeon and researcher at the University of California San Francisco’s Mt. Zion Hospital. In her role as a professor of surgery and director of the Carol Franc Buck Breast Care Center at the UCSF Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center, Dr. Esserman is recognized as one of the top breast doctors in the U.S. for challenging the status quo of mainstream medicine with her groundbreaking work in breast cancer research through theAthena Breast Health Network, the Wisdom Study and the iSPY clinical trials. Watch this episode to learn more about Dr. Esserman’s innovative approach to treating – and preventing – breast cancer.


This piece was first posted on Conscious Living TV.

Courtesy of the Author


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Healing in Brussels

Snatam Kaur and band in Brussels

Our producer said she was happy that the concert venue would be mostly full that night. Many people had stopped coming to concerts because of the intense fear that overtook the city of Brussels after the terrorist attack this past summer. I have to admit to fearful imaginings entering my mind during sound check. The shadows danced with the idea of a possible attack, creating horrible visions amidst the dark curtains behind us on the stage.

It was now concert time. Our producer, Elke, perhaps sensing my fear, and that of the audience, walked to the microphone in the center of the stage to introduce us. She wore a beautiful white dress and with the loving energy of Mother Earth Herself, assured us that on this night, we would all be safe. As the band and I took the stage, my emotions overcame me and no longer was I afraid, but deeply touched by what these people had been through. I heard through the news the incredible strength of the people of Brussels.  They adamantly refused to be deterred by acts of terror, but instead, to stand strong and remain in a place of humanity. Now I was seeing it and feeling it. They clapped and I cried. I knew at that moment that we had a job to do. We needed to heal the heart and nurture the spirit. We had the perfect tools for such a job—mantra and music. 

As I explained to the audience, we do not need to be perfect. We just have to perfectly apply ourselves to the mantra. When we apply ourselves fully, we have to give of ourselves fully in who we are. When we feel fear, anger, and other intense emotions, we don't just leave them aside—we fully incorporate those sensations. Passionately we allow these sensations to flow into the river of the voice.  As we flow through the channel of the mantra, the structure of the sacred words and the energetic impression created by all of those who have recited it before, heal us. It is a simple, beautiful and fool proof technology that has worked for me thousands of times and it was working in Brussels.

Each mantra brought us into a different aspect of healing. It felt as if every heart was being touched in some way. No longer was I leading the experience but simply following the energy of Spirit as it flowed and blossomed. Finally at the end, we chanted Akaal, a mantra which means "beyond death".  We chant Akaal to help a soul after the death of the physical body, find its merger with the One. I cried once again. I had become one with these people. I did not cry because of the terror.  I cried because we had become awakened human beings, souls of light, praying for all souls everywhere. We had been healed.

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Effective Ayurveda treatments for Knee Osteo Arthritis (SandhiVata)

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Knee joints are the key joints of locomotion. When they get hurt, injured, degenerated or inflamed they give pain and makes life difficult. Even the simplest of day-to-day activities seems to be a burden when our knee joints have given way. There are many diseases which afflict the […]

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Upcoming classes events and healing! #spiritual #spirituality...



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Our colleague, Dr Neil Abbot, retires from ME Research UK today | 28 October 2016

alexfergusson

Dr Neil Abbot, research and operations director at ME Research UK (MERUK), is retiring today after 15 years service.

Neil (pictured right with Alex Fergusson MSP at a Cross Party Group on ME reception at Holyrood) was one of the founding trustees of the Perth-based charity before leaving the board to join the staff.

He will retain his links WITH MERUK as volunteer, and has become hon secretary to its Scientific Advisory Board.

Click on the following link to read MERUK’s own statement about Neil’s retirement: http://ift.tt/2eioqRd


IT’S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE TO WORK WITH NEIL ALL THESE YEARS…

MEA medical adviser, Dr Charles Shepherd, writes:

I have known Neil for many years and we have worked together on a whole range of research issues – in particular the planning for and the work involved in setting up the ME Biobank at the Royal Free Hospital, which is now a vital part of ME/CFS research infrastructure here in the UK.

Neil has also been a close professional colleague and friend who has always been available at the end of the phone to discuss any aspect of research where a sound second opinion is required.

It has been a real pleasure to work with Neil over this time and I will really miss his humour and commonsense approach to what can sometimes be very difficult decisions for research-funding charities to make.

I must also pay tribute to his very important contribution and commitment to the work that MERUK has been doing in both funding and encouraging biomedical research into ME/CFS

Fortunately, Neil will continue to be involved with MERUK in a voluntary capacity as Hon Secretary to the Scientific Advisory Board, which will allow continuity in dealing with research applications and on-going projects, and giving advice when needed.

As for his official retirement, everyone at The ME Association sends their very best wishes to Neil!



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My crystal healing poster of stones with properties to relieve exhaustion. - Crystals


My crystal healing poster of stones with properties to relieve exhaustion.
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Happy Friday! The Angels are giving you signs to see the world...



Happy Friday! The Angels are giving you signs to see the world as a child with wonder magic and adventure. Allow your inner child to come out and play! So go out there and play with some faeries! It’s Friday! #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualhealing #angel #angelhealing #angelreading #angeloracle #angels #happyfriday #tgif #energyhealing #reiki #yoga #miami #om #namaste



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3 Ways We Unconsciously Sabotage Our Relationships (and How to Stop)

Couple in love

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” ~Anaïs Nin

As a long-time commitment-phobe, my love life has been somewhat inconsistent, to say the least, but this year it seemed I’d finally met someone I was ready and able to think about building a future with. Still, along with this feeling of hope came some challenges that I had never experienced before in a relationship. (And yes, it did occur to me that maybe these two things went together!)

I knew I loved my partner, but we often seemed to argue about nothing in particular. This was bewildering to me. I really couldn’t understand what had gone wrong! But, thanks to her patient reflecting to me, I recognized how I was contributing to this pattern, and why I needed to alter my own attitudes and behavior rather than blaming my partner and expecting her to change.

I began thinking about all this because it was frustrating to get into a shouting match but not be able to remember what had kicked it all off, only to realize, at the end of it, that we could both have used that time in many more enjoyable or productive ways.

I was sick of feeling stressed about it all, so when the opportunity came up at the local community center, I took a mindfulness class. My expectations weren’t that high, to be honest, but I was ready to try anything!

One challenging exercise was to take a step back from reacting when things got heated between us so that I could see more clearly what was actually going on, what I was doing to fan the flames, and some ways I could change.

One bad habit, I discovered, was how I would often interpret what my lover had said to me in the most negative possible way. If she told me I seemed tired, I’d worry she was saying I wasn’t as good in bed; or, if she said I was looking “healthy,” I’d think she meant I was putting on weight.

I had been too ashamed to actually share these thoughts with her, to see if what I was hearing was what she actually meant. But finally, I couldn’t avoid it any longer. So I plucked up the courage to share these vulnerable feelings, only to discover that I was creating almost all that negativity in my own head.

I realized that my interpretations stemmed from my own low level of trust and self-confidence; and that I needed a lot more reassurance from my partner than I had been willing to admit.

I understood how, because of my history, including the strained relationship I’d had with my parents when I was a child, I found it hard to accept love, even from the person I was closest to. This was hurtful and frustrating for her, and it was making me miserable.

In a strange kind of twist, I was nervous about being happy, even though it was what I wanted, because that meant the risk of being hurt and disappointed, as I’d been in my childhood. The only antidote to these fears seemed to be to learn to love and accept myself for who I was, and not be dependant on getting approval from anyone else.

My partner has been very supportive with this, and paradoxically, this sense of greater emotional independence has made it possible for me to risk being, and feeling, closer and more loving with her.

After reflecting more on the roots of conflict in our relationship, I identified our three main types of communication and saw how confusing them could easily create a mismatch between the intention of what we were saying to each other and how the other interpreted it.

This often led to an argument, which was nothing more than two people with different perspectives each pointlessly trying to convince the other that they were right—a futile pattern that were both keen to avoid.

You might recognize some, or all, of these; if so, what I learned about how to defuse them might work for you too.

1. Arguing with emotions.

 These are statements of fact about the experience of the person sharing them—i.e.: “I feel nervous when you drive that fast”—so there’s no point in disagreeing with them.

My mistake was to respond to this kind of statement as if it were my partner’s opinion, and then disagree with it.

Or, I’d respond to personal statements, such as “I feel like you don’t listen to me,” or “You don’t prioritize sending time with me” with a rebuttal, such as “What do you mean, of course I do,” or defensiveness, i.e.: “You’re always criticizing me!”

Denying her reality like this was a sure way of disempowering and upsetting her. Instead, I’m learning to be more tuned in to how she’s feeling, and to respond in ways that validate this and show that it’s important to me.

So now I might respond with, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Can you explain more?” or “Is there anything that I could do differently to change this?” Then I’ll try to act on any response she has given me.

This listening and hearing builds a bridge of trust between us, rather than the wall I used to put up, and makes it much easier for us to find compromises and solutions. It changes from being a zero sum conversation to a win- win.

If you ever deny your partner’s feelings, take a step back before responding and get curious instead of defensive. It’s not easy, but validating each other’s emotions creates an atmosphere of love, care, and understanding.

2. Stating opinions as facts.

The trouble was, we both used to express opinions as if they were facts, the underlying assumption being that one of us was right, and therefore, anyone with a different point of view was wrong. Now, I appreciate and accept that my partner and I can have different perspectives on anything, and neither of us is necessarily more right. I can accept and enjoy our differences rather than being threatened by them.

Formerly, my partner would express opinions like “You’re being selfish,” or even “You work too much!” to me as if they were facts. It was hard for me not to feel judged and criticized.

If she insisted, this led to angry denials. In a perfect world, she would always recognize that these are opinions. But it’s a fact of life that I can’t control what she does, only how I respond to her. So now I try to understand where she’s coming from and why, rather than just reacting, and if I can’t, I ask for an explanation.

Try to recognize when you are stating opinions as fact, or trying to make your partner “wrong.” Communication goes a lot more smoothly when neither person feels judged or criticized.

3. Blaming each other for our own feelings.

I sometimes blamed my partner for my feelings, saying things like, “You’ve made me angry,” or “You’re so insensitive.” Thanks to her patient refusal to take these kinds of accusations on board, I came to see that these statements revealed more about me than her!

With a new awareness of how these dynamics operate between us, I’m able to take responsibility for my own negative feelings, which gives me a much better ability to do something about them, if that’s needed or possible. This also allows me to nurture more mutual trust and intimacy with my partner.

When you’re about to blame your partner for how you feel, step back and ask yourself, “How would I respond if I took responsibility for my feelings instead?” You can still acknowledge how their actions affected you, but you will be doing so from a place of owning your own experience and responses.

Reflecting honestly on this process has been painful and challenging. If you’re at all like me, you may avoid doing any of this work for that very reason. It’s completely natural; we all instinctively avoid pain. All I can say is that, in my experience, it’s more than worth it.

By being clearer about what we are trying to communicate, and more conscious about how we share and listen to each other’s feelings, we can avoid the pitfalls of misunderstanding that could sabotage our relationships. And that will leave a lot more time and energy for what we really want to be doing: sharing love and being happy!

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About Steve Garrett

Steve is a Wales-based social entrepreneur, writer, and musician in his sixties who hopes he has finally learned a thing or two about love and life that are worth sharing. Steve set up FeMANism as a forum where men could explore how to be their authentic selves at the same time as supporting women’s equality. Read his poetry at http://ift.tt/2eLhKvH.

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A Small Good Thing: A Documentary on Simple Sources of Happiness

A small good thing

We live in a world that encourages the pursuit of happiness, which it seems we’ve collectively defined as “more.” We chase more money, more recognition, more stuff, more connections (and often, more followers and “likes”). If it’s quantifiable, and sometimes even when it isn’t, there’s no such thing as enough.

Given that you’re here, visiting a website that promotes simplicity and appreciation for the little things, it’s possible you haven’t fallen into this trap. Or perhaps, like me, you have, and that’s why you now recognize that less is often more.

Given my own experience chasing things that inevitably led to emptiness and disappointment, I was intrigued to learn about Pamela Tanner Boll’s new documentary A Small Good Thing.

A Small Good Thing follows six people who’ve “recast their lives so they can find a sense of meaning.” If you’re disillusioned by the American Dream and fascinated by people who’ve found their own unique path to happiness, I highly recommend you check it out.

I’ve never shared a documentary here before, but as you may remember, I’ve spent the better part of this year working on my first short film (which I’m excited to share here soon!) And I’m also planning to work on my first documentary, on a similar topic, next year.

Given the synchronicity, I was thrilled to speak to Pamela about the motivation behind A Small Good Thing and what she learned in the process of making it.

The Interview

How did you choose the cast for A Small Good Thing? What’s the common thread?

We were looking for individuals who were living in this new century in a better way. We wanted to find people who had made positive changes in their lives through mindful practices, through a closer connection to the natural world, and through a stronger connection to the greater good.

Stephen Cope from Kripalu’s Institute for Extraordinary Living in Lenox, Massachusetts introduced us to Tim Durrin, who was working at Kripalu at the time, and through mindful practices (yoga, meditation, cycling) had been able to deal with his struggles with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and addiction.

I met Yoga and Breathing Instructor Mark Gerow at Canyon Ranch in Lenox and was very impressed with his story of how he used his yoga practice to overcome the personal struggles in his life and to learn how to share his story with others.

We were introduced to Jen and Pete Salinetti from Woven Roots Farm and were fascinated with the fact that they were able to harvest twelve months out of the year in Western Massachusetts, as well as with the amount of food they were producing on a one and a half acre farm.

Also, we learned about Sean Stanton who worked on both his family farm, North Plain Farm, as well as managed Blue Hill Farm for the Barber family. He was also giving back to his community as the Chair of the Selectman Board for the Town of Great Barrington.

Finally, I heard about a woman in Pittsfield MA who was doing amazing community work with young adults who performed all over the state with the Youth Alive Step Team. I met Shirley Edgerton for coffee and found out that she was really guiding young people to a life of purpose.

Why did you choose the Berkshires for the location of this film?

The Berkshires has long been a place that attracted artists, visionaries, and change-seekers who value their creative expression and want to live closer to nature. It’s also one of those communities in the world that supports and encourages people who want to live in a different way. There seems to be less importance put on “keeping up with the Joneses” and more importance on “checking in with the Joneses.”

While we focus on the Berkshires in the film, people who are practicing mindfulness, connecting to the natural world, and engaging in their communities can be found all around the world. Yoga studios, farmers markets, and community gardens and centers can be found all over New York and other urban settings.

We also filmed in the Berkshires because it was closer to home for us. Our production company is located in Winchester, Massachusetts, right outside of Boston.

How long did it take to make this film? And how did making this film influence the happiness in your life?

We begin in 2011 researching the film for over a year focusing on the recent happiness studies and the science behind yoga and meditation. We also did a lot of research on how living in closer connection to the natural world also positively impacted our well-being.

We began shooting in the Berkshires in 2012, and continued for over a year. The first edit, which took another year, was flat and disjointed. In December 2013, I made a decision to close down the production. I did not feel that the edit expressed my original vision.

After four months, I found a new energy to complete the film in a new location with a new editor, T.C. Johnstone.

In the making of this film, we all learned that living an authentic life is not easy. It’s hard to be vulnerable and to make mistakes. But this is the path to living a life that is meaningful and full of purpose. Like Shirley says in the film, “…the true success in life is you finding your purpose and your passion and you living it out.”

How does watching these small stories about individuals transforming their lives help us to transform the world?

Our culture is more invested in comfort than in truth. Our planet is suffering from our consumer-driven way of life. Although we have more connections through the Internet and social networking, we as a society have become more isolated and lonely. We have more material wealth, but we are not happy.

These stories show individuals who are making small changes in their lives that have a big impact in the world. Jen and Pete Salinetti use only environmentally sustainable practices at Woven Roots Farm. Also, Sean Stanton feeds his livestock a natural diet; his cows are grass fed and his pigs and chickens are raised on pasture and eat all certified organic grain.

Farms that use these types of regenerative agricultural practices can turn back the carbon clock, reducing atmospheric CO2 while also boosting soil productivity and increasing resilience to floods and drought. Also, the agronomists tell us now that you can produce more calories per acre on a small farm than a big one.

Studies show that mindful practices such as yoga and meditation relieve our stress: blood pressure goes down, heart rates drop, negative emotions decrease, and positive ones increase. Tim Durrin and Mark Gerow have overcome the struggles in their lives by applying these mindful practices every day. And in doing so, have learned that by exposing their struggles to their community, they feel less isolated and more blessed.

And finally, Shirley Edgerton is guiding her young adults to live a life of purpose. She is teaching them at a young age, “that if you leave yourself open that you move with the universe [and] that’s where you blessings coming in.” This is how we can live in a more engaged way, a way that helps us to develop empathy and compassion.

Why did you make this film? What resources influenced your research?

A few years back, everyone I talked to had the same complaints: People were running so hard to keep up with the pressures of life that they felt overwhelmed, isolated, exhausted, and unhappy. Even though our country had more material wealth, people were depressed.

Given the additional worries about the growing income disparities, climate change, and the vanishing natural world, the question of what makes a good life became important to me. So, I did what I usually do—I read lots of books. These are just some of the books that informed the film:

Earth and Deep Economy by Bill McKibben

Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life by Dacher Keltner

The Empathic Civilization and The Third Industrial Revolution by Jeremy Rifkin

The Wisdom of Yoga and Yoga and the Quest for the True Self by Stephen Cope

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Being Happy by Tal Ben-Shahar

Loving Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzburg

Flow and Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Art of Happiness by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The Wisdom of Tuscany by Ferenc Mate

You can learn more about A Small Good Thing here.

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About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. To strengthen your relationships, get her new book, Tiny Buddha's 365 Tiny Love Challenges. For inspiring posts and wisdom quotes, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter & Facebook.

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TGI Friday! | Our weekly round-up of recently published research abstracts | 28 October 2016

English translation of an article published in Socialmedicinsk tidskrift, Stockholm, 28 September 2016

Studies on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Graded Exercise Therapy for ME/CFS are misleading

Sten Helmfrid
Assoc. Prof. of Physics, Member of the Swedish ME Association

Abstract

There have been a number of studies on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Graded Exercise Therapy (GET) for ME/CFS ba

sed on a treatment model where the disease is perpetuated by cognitive processes. Although the studies are flawed and the model lacks scientific support, the treatments are described as evidence based.

The studies are non-blinded and rely on subjective outcomes. There are no objective measures of adherence. The diagnostic criteria vary, and the participating patients often have one or several psychiatric diagnoses apart from suffering from chronic fatigue. The underlying model has no theoretical foundation and is at odds with physiological findings.

Surveys suggest that the efficacy of CBT is no better than placebo and that GET is harmful. Therefore, cognitive behavioral therapy and graded exercise therapy for ME/CFS are not evidence based.


From Nature Genetics, published online 17 October 2016 (open access)

Elevated basal serum tryptase identifies a multisystem disorder associated with increased TPSAB1 copy number

Jonathan J Lyons(1), Xiaomin Yu(1), Jason D Hughes(2), Quang T Le(3), Ali Jamil(1), Yun Bai(1), Nancy Ho(4), Ming Zhao(5), Yihui Liu(1), Michael P O’Connell(1), Neil N Trivedi(6,7), Celeste Nelson(1), Thomas DiMaggio(1), Nina Jones(8), Helen Matthews(9), Katie L Lewis(10), Andrew J Oler(11), Ryan J Carlson(1), Peter D Arkwright(12), Celine Hong(10), Sherene Agama(1), Todd M Wilson(1), Sofie Tucker(1), Yu Zhang(13), Joshua J McElwee(2), Maryland Pao(14), Sarah C Glover(15), Marc E Rothenberg(16), Robert J Hohman(5), Kelly D Stone(1), George H Caughey(6,7), Theo Heller(4), Dean D Metcalfe(1), Leslie G Biesecker(10), Lawrence B Schwartz(3) & Joshua D Milner(1).
1) Laboratory of Allergic Diseases, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
2) Merck Research Laboratories, Merck & Co. Inc., Boston, Massachusetts, USA.
3) Department of Internal Medicine, Virginia Commonwealth University, Richmond, Virginia, USA.
4) Liver Diseases Branch, National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
5)Research Technologies Branch, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Rockville, Maryland, USA.
6) Cardiovascular Research Institute and Department of Medicine, University of California at San Francisco, San Francisco, California, USA.
7) Veterans Affairs Medical Center, San Francisco, California, USA.
8) Clinical Research Directorate/CMRP, SAIC-Frederick, Inc., Frederick National Laboratory for Clinical Research, Frederick, Maryland, USA.
9) Laboratory of Immunology, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
10) Medical Genomics and Metabolic Genetics Branch, National Human Genome Research Institute, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
11) Bioinformatics and Computational Biosciences Branch, Office of Cyber Infrastructure and Computational Biology, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
12) Institute of Infection, Immunity and Respiratory Medicine, University of Manchester, Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital, Manchester, UK.
13) Laboratory of Host Defenses, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
14) National Institute of Mental Health, US National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.
15) Division of Gastroenterology, Hepatology, and Nutrition, University of Florida, Gainesville, Florida, USA.
16) Division of Allergy and Immunology, Department of Pediatrics, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. Correspondence should be addressed to J.D.M. (jdmilner@niaid.nih.gov).

Abstract

Elevated basal serum tryptase levels are present in 4–6% of the general population, but the cause and relevance of such increases are unknown(1,2).

Previously, we described subjects with dominantly inherited elevated basal serum tryptase levels associated with multisystem complaints including cutaneous flushing and pruritus, dysautonomia, functional gastrointestinal symptoms, chronic pain, and connective tissue abnormalities, including joint hypermobility.

Here we report the identification of germline duplications and triplications in the TPSAB1 gene encoding a-tryptase that segregate with inherited increases in basal serum tryptase levels in 35 families presenting with associated multisystem complaints.

Individuals harboring alleles encoding three copies of a-tryptase had higher basal serum levels of tryptase and were more symptomatic than those with alleles encoding two copies, suggesting a gene-dose effect. Further, we found in two additional cohorts (172 individuals) that elevated basal serum tryptase levels were exclusively associated with duplication of a-tryptase–encoding sequence in TPSAB1, and affected individuals reported symptom complexes seen in our initial familial cohort.

Thus, our findings link duplications in TPSAB1 with irritable bowel syndrome, cutaneous complaints, connective tissue abnormalities, and dysautonomia.




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Thursday 27 October 2016

Celebrating My Inner Masculinity

Professional boxer

This week, I skipped out on yoga. Instead, I tried kickboxing for the first time. I also tested out capoeira and jujitsu—it felt like a good week to do a bit of kicking and punching.

My whole life, I’ve loved yoga and dance, two forms of movement that have been coded as “feminine.” These environments tend to be mostly populated by women, and many yoga teachers (myself included) will bring in goddess mythology from yoga’s traditional roots in order to celebrate the feminine side of things. This is important: the feminine tends to be undervalued in our culture, and there’s a huge benefit to learning about how feminine energy can be strong and powerful. In these traditions, however, masculine energy is really important, too. Masculine and feminine are like two sides of the same coin and must work in relationship with each other. Lately, I’ve been especially drawn to my masculine aspects, and kicking, punching, jumping, and rolling has been a pretty fun way to explore that.

From the Shakta Tantric perspective, which I’ve studied most, Shakti energy, the feminine aspect, is that which creates everything in the universe. She is movement, form, and chaos. The masculine energy, represented by Shiva, is consciousness, that which binds Shakti and makes her knowable. Without Shiva, we wouldn’t know that we exist, and we wouldn’t be able to direct our energy towards our work or make any decisions about anything. The world would be primordial chaos. Without Shakti, however, nothing would exist in the first place.

Other traditions, like Buddhism and Taoism, consider masculine and feminine in terms of energies called yin and yang that balance each other out. The feminine, yin aspect governs receptivity, passivity, darkness, coolness, and the moon. The masculine, yang aspect governs light, movement, action, heat, and the sun. Sometimes we need to tap into our masculine yang in order to move, make a change, set a boundary, or stand up for ourselves. Other times, we need to tap into our feminine yin in order to listen, rest, or heal. We all need a balance of both, no matter our gender.

Even as we turn towards the yin seasons, the darker, cooler months, I’m feeling a little fire in me that wants to move, to be brave and try new things (like getting thrown onto the floor 15 times in jujitsu class). Every November, I like to participate in Movember at my yoga studio, which is a month dedicated to raising awareness and funds for men’s mental and physical health. One way to participate is to start a new fitness challenge, and taking up martial arts, which have been traditionally coded as masculine, feels like a good way to honor not only the men I care about in my life through supporting Movember, but also to support my own inner masculinity.

This binary between masculine and feminine has certainly been used in disempowering ways in many cultures over time. It’s easy to misunderstand these complementary opposites and assume they have something to do with our biological gender—they don’t. Shiva and Shakti only work when in relationship with each other, and yin and yang are fluid, always on the verge of turning into each other. We all have aspects of these qualities in us in varying ratios at different times in our lives, and answering the call of the energy that pulls us is part of a healthy, playful way to live in the world. So this month, I’m honoring my inner feminine with hot baths, restorative yoga, and quiet evenings—and taking up some (safe, mindful) kicking and punching to honor my inner masculine!

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Amblygonite Enhances Creativity, Releases Stress, Aids Healing

Discover how Amblygonite with a high amount of natural lithium, helps you to develop your creativity and aids you to remain calm and peaceful. Helps to sever hooks to past partners.

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Harmony. Things will begin to flow move together balanced as one...



Harmony. Things will begin to flow move together balanced as one So don’t worry or stress let go and ride the wave and become one in harmony with your soul with your purpose. #harmony #angel #angelreadings #divine #goddess #priestess #angels #oracle #angeloraclecards #energyhealing #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualhealing #om #namaste



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What Does Gender Have to Do With the Dharma?

Rita Gross at Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery

In March 2015—eight months before her death—Rita Gross was interviewed at Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery in India about her feminist roots, finding a teacher, and gender identity in Buddhism.

Gross, a Buddhist scholar, dharma teacher, and frequent Tricycle contributor, was the author of numerous books that included Buddhism After Patriarchy and Feminism and Religion: An Introduction.

The two-part video series is now available from Yogini Archives, a nonprofit organization that was started in 2011 by Michael Ash—with the blessing of his teacher, Tsoknyi Rinpoche—as a way to showcase women in the dharma.

“Now is quite an interesting time: the majority of meditators in the world are women; greater numbers are practicing now than ever before,” Ash told Tricycle. “I feel often that the Yogini Project is there to announce a vast movement that is hidden even to its own members . . . There are truly many stories to tell and lessons to be learned from women at all stages of the path.”

Other teachers who have been filmed for Yogini Archives include Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo and Ani Choying Drolma.  

“What I loved about this interview was how Rita gracefully pointed out the way to a transgender space is through the mindfulness of gender,” Ash recalled. “Her intent was clearly on removing the cause of suffering. And so her focus was on becoming aware of any reified self-identity, and that, as she points out, is unavoidable to some degree with gender. Only by becoming aware of it—not by passing it over—are we actually able to apply the teachings and move beyond any latent or immediate suffering it may be creating.”

Watch a 15-minute clip of Gross’s talk below:

The post What Does Gender Have to Do With the Dharma? appeared first on Tricycle.



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Ayurvedic Treatment For Blisters, Medicines, Herbs, Personal Experience

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Role of Panchakarma in the treatment of blisters Panchakarma does have a good role in managing blisters, especially the stubborn ones or when the blisters are recurring at a continuous pace. Panchakarma might not be needed in combating simple and uncomplicated blisters. They could well be effectively managed […]

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Blisters: Ayuvedic Understanding, Treatment Principles

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Blisters cannot be compared directly to any particular disease mentioned in Ayurveda. But below mentioned conditions can be correlated to blisters. All the below mentioned conditions present with blisters, either filled with fluid, blood, serum or pus, some are of the post blister stages wherein dry lesions with […]

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21 Easy And Effective Home Remedies for Blisters

Article by Dr Raghuram Y.S. MD (Ay) Blister occurs in the superficial skin layers. The blisters can be filled with serum, blood or pus. There are many home remedies and prevention tips that help to cure blisters faster.   Use deodorant – it is important to keep the feet bone dry so as to prevent […]

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How We Can Stop Judging Others and Ourselves

Judging woman

“There is no path to peace. Peace is the path.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

We live in a world of ticker headlines, 24/7 news, and constantly updating Instagram and Facebook feeds. We are constantly making snap-decision judgment calls, categorizing what we see into “good,” “bad,” or “unimportant.”

In a second, we can see an image and believe we have all we need to form a fully realized opinion.

It’s in our biological wiring to judge everything we see—it’s how we have survived for generations upon generations. We are in a constant state of scanning our environment for threats and attempting to efficiently neutralize them when we do come across them.

And yet, ironically, we seem to have gotten to a point in our evolution where our judgments are doing us more harm than good, keeping us more unsafe than safe, and keeping us more in fear than in love.

When we get down to it, fear and love are the only two emotions we really have. They are our roots, the seeds of our souls, our most base and primal instincts.

All others are just off-shoots and iterations of the same.

We fear what we judge as bad; we love what we judge as good.

When we are in a state of fear, our bodies and minds do whatever they need to keep us safe. That may mean avoiding it, destroying it, or simply making it as different from us in our minds as possible. This is where the roots of racism, sexism, homophobia, and all other fear-based rationalizations are planted and nurtured.

I, like all other humans, have lived much of my life in this place of fear.

Only I didn’t call it fear.

I felt that I judged people fairly, that I saw in them things I would never be or do or feel in myself.

Though I have done deep work within myself to live in a place of love, forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance, I, like all people, still struggle with it from time to time.

It happened as recently as this morning.

I took my daughters to the grocery store for our weekly shopping trip and plunked them in a shopping cart shaped like a car. My eighteen month old daughter immediately ripped my list in half causing me to have to hold the two parts together every time I needed to check it.

I pushed the behemoth cart up and down the isles, cramming things in until I felt overwhelmed by both decision and physical fatigue.

My daughters were generally well-behaved but still did their part to act like kids: fighting over who got to hold the cereal, then both refusing to hold the cereal and throwing it on the floor in an attempt to throw it in the cart, pushing each other for more elbow room, asking to buy flowers and cookies and ice pops and a stuffed animal and tacos and pistachios and Finding Dora shaped Pirate’s Booty.

By the time I got to the register, I was ready for the trip to be done. It was still early in the morning, so only a few lines were open. I chose what appeared to be the shortest line and began unloading my stuff onto the belt.

That’s when I noticed that although I had chosen the shortest line, I had also chosen the one with the slowest cashier.

She and the woman in front of me were chatting and making small talk as if they were out on a coffee date, not in an increasingly crowded supermarket line with cranky kids and customers that were waiting to pay for their food and get on with their lives.

I did my best to surrender to the moment and keep it together. I reminded myself that I was waiting to pay for a cart full of healthy, nutritious food for my family—a position many women would do anything to be in. I smiled at my daughters and thought about how lucky I am to have them.

But still…

The clerk was really getting to me.

Finally, she started scanning my food and putting it into bags. And making small talk. And as she talked, she slowed down. Then she stopped and got out a roll of paper towels from under the register and started wiping down the belt where the frozen food had left a puddle of condensation.

I couldn’t help it: I rolled my eyes. I didn’t respond to her chatter. I refused to make eye contact.

Who the hell was this woman? She had a job to do and she was stubbornly refusing to do it in the efficient manor I know she had been trained to do it in.

I judged her. Harshly. And then I judged myself even more harshly for judging her.

As always, my judgments of her came from a place of fear:

  • That I was going to lose control of my kids who were getting bored and cranky.
  • That I might actually lose control of myself and say something I would later regret.
  • That I never have enough time.
  • That the situation could get worse and then it would feel even harder.

And then my frustration with her turned into frustration with myself and fear about myself:

  • I’m not patient enough.
  • I’m not kind enough.
  • I’m too much of an introvert.
  • I don’t appreciate what I have.

People who are in a state of fear can be vicious.

So what is the answer?

Love.

Love means unconditional acceptance of the light and the dark that we all have as humans and understanding that one cannot exist without the other.

Sure, it’s fair to say that the clerk should have been fully present and doing her job in a way that was efficient and respectful of the customers’ time. But I was making her responsible for my fear-based reaction.

The clerk was chatty and slow, just like I’ve been many times. Therefore, I really couldn’t condemn her without automatically condemning the same qualities in myself. This was probably why I was judging myself even more harshly than her!

In reality, there is nothing positive or negative that exists in someone else that doesn’t also exist in us because we are all human.

Perhaps instead of giving the clerk dagger eyes, I needed to see the experience she was giving me with gratitude. Maybe she was there to remind me that when we allow others to hurt us, we hurt ourselves. This was clearly illustrated by the fact that I quickly turned my anger toward her into anger toward myself.

Luckily because of my mindset work, I was able to move from seeing the clerk as an opponent and source of frustration to seeing her as a teacher for me and myself as a teacher for her, and also for my daughters who were a captive audience in the car cart.

Teaching is done mainly by example, and what we teach others we are also re-learning ourselves. What we share is strengthened in us, and so I had the choice to allow peace and love to happen in a moment that felt very un-peaceful by being peace and love.

Love is the remembering of who we all are at our core. Looking at a situation with love reminds us that our “flaws” are universal and therefore irrelevant.

Peace in that moment meant recognizing that I was having a vulnerable, overwhelmed moment, which put me squarely in the category of being human just like everyone else.

I took the lesson of having compassion for myself and for others that the clerk was teaching me and began to see things differently.

I gave myself a lot of grace and told myself that a moment of being annoyed and an exasperated eye roll didn’t make me a bad or ungrateful person. I reminded myself that both the clerk and I can do things imperfectly still be worthy of love anyway.

When you find yourself in a judgment/shame spiral, determine that you are willing to see things differently: with love.

Do this, and you will be guided by the most powerful force there is.

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About Amy Beth

Amy Beth Acker, LCSW is a counselor, coach, and writer for perfectionists who are ready for their lives back. She teaches overwhelmed women to connect with themselves at a deeper level, find clarity, and change unhealthy thoughts and life patterns. For more of her writing, to learn more about her services, or to schedule a free consultation please visit amybethacker.com.

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The post How We Can Stop Judging Others and Ourselves appeared first on Tiny Buddha.



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