Lockdown and Claustrophobia

This year has been tough on the nation and our mental health. For the past few months many of us have been isolated in our homes, not being able to see family or friends, limited to communication over the telephone or internet.

While this has allowed many of us to become more adept at connecting with people using new forms of communication, the  situation has been detrimental to many peoples’ mental health.

One of the groups affected by lockdown are those in our community that are living with claustrophobia. For many the idea of being stuck inside their own home for long periods of time is exhausting. For some though this has been much harder than others.

Claustrophobia is usually defined as a fear of confined spaces. However it is worth noting that social claustrophobia can also include busy public spaces and crowded areas. People who deal with claustrophobia can experience fear when there’s no obvious danger in a situation and may go out of their way to avoid confined spaces such as lifts, tunnels and train carriages.

These days many of us will find ourselves living in smaller flats or apartments with no access to a garden space of our own.  This can be difficult and create a sense of entrapment. These past few months living in our smaller spaces trying to go about our daily routines and create a sense of normality has been tough, juggling the usual pressures of life alongside the limitations that came with lockdown has affected everyone differently.

If you have been struggling with staying indoors due to claustrophobia it’s important to remember there is support out there.

For some, taking some time outside, away from large crowded spaces, can help ease any feelings of entrapment that come with being indoors. Even something as minor as sitting by your window and watching the world pass by outside can help ease this. It’s important to remember that no matter how it feels you are not trapped and you are able to leave at any time to take some exercise, nip to the local shop or even see some friends while maintaining social distancing.

Anxiety UK can also offer support during these times. If you find yourself dealing with claustrophobia we have a range of support products and services that can assist you. Our free fact sheet is available to download on our website and has a wide range of evidence based information and self-help tips for dealing with claustrophobia. Alternatively we also have a brilliant book in our shop written by therapist and consultant Andrea Perry who speaks about her own and others experiences with claustrophobia and similar anxiety conditions and how to overcome it.

Finally our therapy service is available for those who feel they need some long term assisted support dealing with claustrophobia.  Anxiety UK offers talking therapy via our 400 Anxiety UK Approved Therapists across the country who are available for either telephone or webcam based therapy sessions currently. You can find out more on our website  

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from Anxiety UK
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Maintaining a Healthy Mindset When Faced with Challenges

by Louise Pode, Managing Director, ProAbility

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t….you’re right’” Henry Ford

We are in uncharted waters – we have never experienced anything like the COVID19 and the impact it is having globally. There are no boundaries as this invisible virus has travelled to over 200 countries since the first diagnosis last year,^, with over 10 million confirmed cases.

The virus poses an obvious, immediate threat to our physical wellbeing and has influenced our freedom of movement, socializing and ability to work. However, its emotional impact is hidden with uncertainty, insecurity, vulnerability and isolation, affecting our mental health.

Making sense of how you feel and why is the first step in managing your mental health and developing a resilient and positive mindset to cope with the challenges ahead. A model developed in the 1960s by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, The Change Curve, has been widely utilised as a method of helping us understand our reactions to significant change. It reflects the emotions and behaviours that are being witnessed in our response to COVID19.

The Change Curve model, see Figure 1, developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, outlines our emotional responses to significant change in a journey of 3 stages:

The Change Curve Model: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Stage 1 – Shock and Denial 

Shock is the first reaction to change– it puts you on high alert, heightening your senses as you search to make sense of the situation. The initial shock is often due to fear of the unknown. You desperately search for information on what is happening, why it’s happening, how it will affect you, what your choices are, so you can start to process the enormity of the situation. There are so many unknowns that you can become overwhelmed and paralysed by the impact on your family, friends, health, and financial security.

After the initial shock has passed denial is experienced, characterised by a focus on the past and urge to return to the previous status quo. It feels like a surreal event as you attempt to process the enormity of the challenges.  To overcome the denial phase, you seek information from any source; your employer, peers and support groups who may not have the solutions.

Stage 2 Anger and Depression

After shock and denial, anger is the next stage. All that you have worked towards is slipping through your fingers. Finding a scapegoat allows a continuation of the denial – it provides an alternate focus, away from your fears and anxieties. But COVID 19 does not give us that opportunity, it is an invisible threat that has arrived in our lives.

During this second stage morale is low and anxiety levels start to peak; you are at the bottom of the curve. The financial impact, change in lifestyle, loss of self-worth becomes a reality. It can be hard to express your feelings and depression sets in as you acknowledge what you have lost. There is that sense of being out of control which compounds your feelings of despair. We all cope in different ways as our usual anchors in life are taken away from us; there is no right or wrong way here. Your reactions are a normal emotional response to the magnitude of change you are experiencing.

Stage 3 Acceptance and Integration

The final phase is acceptance and integration as over time, after anger, depression and anxiety, a more optimistic and positive mood begins to emerge. 

At this stage you stop focusing on what you have lost and accept that change is inevitable. There is an appreciation that life is going to be different and you begin to work with the changes, rather than against them, and learn to adapt. This is where a newfound optimism of hope and acceptance emerges as you have had a chance to reflect, and find ways of improving your resilience. It is important to recognise you have choices, there is always more than one option. Recognising and accepting this gives clarity and creates optimism.  You focus on new opportunities with a sense of relief that you are finally coming through and can look to the future knowing real progress can be made.

As individuals we all react differently to change and not all of us will experience every phase. Some people may spend a lot of time in Stages 1 and 2, whilst others, who are more accustomed to change, may move swiftly into Stage 3.

For those more prone to anxiety and depression the challenge is to make sure you don’t “get stuck” in either Stage 1 or Stage 2. These are the phases where you can become overwhelmed by the enormity of the events.

The challenge is how do you shift your mindset from anxious to logical and move through the change curve stepping up to the challenges ahead?

Here are some countermeasures to work through and enable you to change your mindset and build your resilience:

Develop your self-awareness

Understanding yourself and your emotions is the first step in regaining control and overcoming your stress and anxiety. You will be more able to develop your resilience and overcome your challenges, rather than be defined by them.

It is important to set time aside and reflect on how you are feeling.  There are numerous symptoms of stress and anxiety including:

• Psychological signs such as irritability, low self-esteem, poor memory, over analysing and poor concentration
• Physical signs including poor sleeping pattern, muscle tension, fatigue, change in weight, headaches, skin irritation, increased blood pressure.
• Behavioural changes include to erratic behaviour, over working, being louder than normal, difficulty getting things done.

Are you showing any signs of stress and anxiety?

What changes have you noticed in yourself?  How does it develop?

When you recognise your symptoms of stress it is important to consider your stress triggers and mitigate them. Often it can be the small things that tip the balance – you can be dealing with major changes in your life but a misplaced comment can cause a powerful counter reaction.

How can you anticipate and manage those stress triggers, so they don’t increase your anxiety?

Once you are aware of your symptoms and stress triggers you can create a tool kit of coping strategies to stop them from escalating. It could be exercise, using health and wellbeing apps or switching off to your favourite music which helps to create your calmness. We are all unique and will turn to different strategies to enable us to manage our anxiety.

Regain control

Feeling out of control enhances stress and anxiety. By taking steps to regain control, you will start to feel empowered and more positive.

• Control those things which are within your circle of influence.
• Prioritise what you would like to achieve.
• Structure each day with a sense of purpose.
• Create a weekly routine
• Build in actions that deliver or contribute to your goals.
• Reduce time spent focussing on uncertainties out of your control. Do not let them be constantly in your thoughts.
• Put your anxieties in a metaphorical drawer and set a limited time aside each day to consider them. Be careful to close the draw again afterwards and focus on what you have achieved and your next step forward.

Set Goals

Goals give you focus; they motivate and create a clear sense of direction. Most importantly they empower you. The key aim is to work towards a goal that creates a feeling of accomplishment and gives you a sense of purpose.

• Prioritise and write down your goals to give you clarity and commitment.
• Make your goal really come to life. Visualize it and anchor it by immersing yourself in your feelings of success.
• How will you know when you have achieved it? Put yourself in that moment and imagine how you feel.
• Write down an action plan to achieve each goal.
• Imagine how good you will feel when you achieve your goal that you have emotionally invested in and earmarked as important to you.

Manage Your Mindset

Your mindset is fundamental to how you manage your challenges. Those with a negative, ‘pint pot half empty’ mindset will have a very different experience to those with a positive, resilient mindset. Your thoughts directly influence how you are feeling and how you behave, which creates your reality. Once you draw a conclusion about yourself, you are likely to look for evidence that reinforces your belief and discount anything that is contrary to it. If you think you are going to be successful you will feel like a success. Then, you will behave like you are successful in the way you think, hold yourself and communicate, which reinforces your belief that you are a success. Of course, the converse is true and you need to guard against reinforcing self-limiting beliefs such as ’I’m never going to get another job’.

The first step in influencing your mindset is changing your focus. When you are immersed in negativity, such as redundancy, your mind will default to picking up on everything negative around you, filtering out all the positives. To shift your focus away from this you need to consciously and deliberately identify positives in your life and acknowledge them to yourself. A great way of developing a positive focus is to identify goals for yourself to achieve, this gives you a sense of purpose.  Deflect your thoughts away from your personal challenges and focus on helping others who are struggling with their situation.

The second step is changing the language you use to yourself; your inner voice. You could say you were only talking to yourself and I would ask who is ‘I’ and who is ‘myself’? Your inner voice can doubt your ability and reinforce your lack of confidence creating anxiety. If you had a friend who spoke to you like your inner voice, you would have dropped them a long time ago.

Whilst you cannot eliminate your inner voice, you can take control and manage it. Talk to yourself with compassion, be kind to yourself, use positive language to tell yourself you can do this and you are going to find a way through.

The final step is to manage your physiology to put your body in a calm state. When we are stressed and anxious we develop symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches, increased breathing rate. It’s a powerful physiological response to your stress. It is well recognised that deep breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a state of calmness. Breathing techniques help you feel connected to your body—it changes your focus away from your negative thoughts and calms your mind.  Exercise is also effective as it changes your breathing rate, shifts your focus and creates endorphins and a sense of achievement. Mindfulness, meditation, relaxation and yoga calms your mind and gives your mind a rest from the anxiety.

Create Connections

The support networks that you have created with friends, colleagues and family are hugely beneficial. These are invaluable connections creating shared experiences during the enormity of the crisis you are experiencing. To have a forum where you can be heard, listened to and acknowledged and provide support to others creates a sense of stronger together.

These are unprecedented times and whilst the enormity of the situation can be overwhelming, by taking small steps you can start to regain some control. Developing your self-awareness by reflecting where you are on The Change Curve and acknowledging how you are feeling, will enable you to identify coping strategies to maintain your mental health. Using a systematic approach to creating goals for yourself, adding structure and routine to your day, will give you a sense of purpose and direction. Managing your mindset through your focus, language and physiology to create resilience and positivity will enable you to think logically and with clarity so the road ahead to your future becomes clear.

Anxiety UK support

If you need some additional support to help you through this challenging period, Anxiety UK offers an extensive range of support services from online anxiety management groups, through to 1:1 therapy services offering therapies such as Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), counselling and clinical hypnotherapy – further details here: – https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/access-therapy/

The views expressed by the contributor are not necessarily those of Anxiety UK, nor can we guarantee the accuracy of the information provided. If you would like to write a blog for AUK please email blog@anxietyuk.org.uk  for more information.

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Mental health and travel report launched

Operators of transport such as buses and trains need to do more to support people with mental health difficulties to help them travel, a new survey has revealed.

A survey of 385 people who responded to an online survey investigating the relationship between mental health and travel led to Prof Roger Mackett’s report on the evidence, which was officially launched at UCL on 17 June 2019, includes 39 recommendations for the government and travel providers.

With c. 25% of adults in England diagnosed with at least one mental illness according to the Health Survey of England, Prof Roger Mackett from UCL’s Centre for Transport Studies has carried out a survey of people with mental health conditions, in order to establish the difficulties that people with such conditions have when travelling, and to identify ways in which these can be overcome.

The survey was carried out online through a link to a questionnaire. This was distributed by 18 organisations including TfL, Sustrans, Transport Scotland, SANE, Anxiety UK and Mental Health Action Group.

All survey respondents had one or more mental health conditions, with 90% having anxieties and 68% suffering from depression. The main causes reported of anxiety whilst travelling were the behaviour and attitudes of other people, and difficulties finding the way, including the fear of being lost.

Over a third of survey respondents said they were frequently unable to leave home because of their mental health, with nearly all the respondents saying this happens to them some of the time; situations such as having to talk to bus or taxi drivers were highlighted as making respondents feel anxious. The extra cost the respondents are often burdened with was also apparent; over half stated that they cannot buy cheaper rail tickets in advance, because they do not know how they will feel on the day of travel.

Very few of the survey respondents possess travel aids such as Disabled Persons Railcards or ‘Blue Badges’ for car parking. Many stated that receiving these or other initiatives such as travel training would encourage them to travel more. Only 7% of survey respondents had used ‘Passenger Assist’ schemes to help them make rail journeys, but over half of these had found such help unsatisfactory at least some of the time.

Such a bleak picture indicates that there is a much needed shift in attitude and culture, according to Prof Roger Mackett, Emeritus Professor of Transport Studies in the UCL Department of Civil, Environmental and Geomatic Engineering (CEGE). “It’s clear that a large proportion of people with mental health conditions find travelling extremely challenging. My report includes a number of recommendations that would not only make travel more accessible for them, but also improve journeys for everyone. Quite often, those with mental health conditions are overlooked when transport systems are being designed. With a few simple policy and behaviour changes, we could transform the way everyone is able to get about – and therefore be more independent, and lead fuller lives.”

The report – which has been reviewed by staff at Anxiety UK, Sustrans, Bus Users UK, and some government departments – was officially launched at UCL on 17 June 2019. A networking drinks reception followed a talk and Q&A session by Prof Mackett, attended by a number of guests and transport journalists.

It is hoped that the government and the transport sector will implement the report’s recommendations, ranging from ensuring transport staff are trained to understand mental health issues, to enabling advance priced rail tickets to be available for people with travel anxiety on the day of purchase.

Other suggestions include the introduction of panic buttons on train and London Underground carriages, so that contact can be made with a person trained to understand mental health issues; people with mental health conditions being able to purchase Disabled Persons Railcards, so they can take a companion with them for only one third more than the cost for one person; and people with mental health conditions who have difficulty communicating with staff being eligible for concessionary bus passes.

Nicky Lidbetter, CEO of Anxiety UK, said: “Anxiety UK welcomes this report, which highlights a comprehensive range of issues that those experiencing mental health problems face when travelling by public transport. It is our aspiration that transport operators adopt the recommendations made and in doing so, reduce the challenges that those with mental health issues currently face.”

The report also suggests that local authorities and transport operators should provide more ‘Safe places’ where people can talk to trained members of staff, for example in shops and stations. Wayfinding websites and apps would also ideally offer more options for public transport routes, e.g. routes that stay above ground. In addition, employers should enable more staff to work from home where feasible, plus make this information known when advertising vacant jobs (therefore not putting people off applying due to commuting concerns).

As Prof Mackett concludes, apart from more understanding behaviour by fellow travellers, factors that would encourage people with mental health conditions to travel more by public transport  are “clearer information before and during travel, better trained staff, and, in the case of train travel, being able to contact a member of staff in person when on board.”

With the launch a success, it is hoped that all of the 39 recommendations put forward will be considered by the relevant organisations.

A full copy of the report can be read here

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How anxiety can affect your mental health

It was through my own struggles with anxiety that my mental health also started to decline. As time progressed, I began to feel very down. I was constantly irritable, unable to think clearly, had little mental energy and struggled to find any interest or motivation in anything. Even simple tasks like tidying the house or cooking a meal seemed like an enormous effort.

Initially, I thought anxiety was to blame for all these new symptoms I was encountering, and so again, I set out to defeat them. It took me a long time to realise that anxiety wasn’t to blame here at all and these were just the symptoms of my failing mental health. The reason my mental health was failing had nothing to do with anxiety; it was all to do with my ongoing battle with anxiety. It was all the fighting, over thinking, worrying and attempts to figure it all out that was to blame for my current state.

Because of all these new symptoms, I then worried, ruminated and fought even harder, which resulted in my mental health declining even further. I was once again in a vicious cycle of my own making, due to my lack of understanding. Is it any wonder my brain struggled to cope when it was given so many tasks to do?

The effects that worry and over thinking have on your mental health

I had no idea that the brain was just like a limb and that if you overdid things mentally, then you would suffer. I had educated myself enough at the time to look after myself physically. I ate well and had taken up exercise, and although this had its benefits, I had done nothing at all to look after my mental health. My brain was still being used to worry, fight and figure things out on a daily basis, and this is why nothing was changing.

Even when I had figured all this out, I did not know how poor my mental health had become, as I had nothing to compare it to, and because it had crept up on me slowly, I don’t think I realised how bad things had become. Eventually, I think it just hit a threshold and instead of feeling a little bit off and irritable, I was now feeling quite a lot of psychological pain and my brain would no longer function properly.

Not only did it affect me emotionally and psychologically, but it also began to affect my social life too. I no longer found joy in doing anything and barely had enough energy for myself, never mind anyone else. I would constantly cancel on people and make excuses not to go out and socialise, which only gave me something else to worry about as I now feared I would lose those around me.

Learning to open up about your mental health

It was at this point I knew I needed to open up more as keeping quiet was just creating more problems. For a man, opening up was not easy as there was a lot of ignorance around mental health at the time, but I thought if people want to judge me, then that is their problem, not mine. My priority now has to be to myself, and if opening up helps me, then this is what I need to do.

I then started to explain how I felt to those closest to me and said: “The reason I have cancelled a lot recently has nothing to do with me not wanting to attend, I did. It is just my brain sometimes found it difficult and the reason I was quiet at times is that I didn’t always have enough mental energy for conversation”.

I also said, “I don’t want or need you to treat me any differently. All I need is your understanding and non-judgement”.

Overall people were very understanding and a couple of people explained to me how they had struggled in the past also, and so I found that talking about how I felt allowed others to do so too.

Once I became more open to others about my feelings, it took an immense burden off me. I could now finally be how I wanted to instead of trying to put on an act and pretend that everything was OK. Before this, I was always trying to portray how I thought I should be and not how I was currently feeling, and trust me, trying to keep up any kind of act takes tremendous mental energy to execute and why I felt even worse in social situations. I guess I also didn’t want to admit to myself how I felt and keeping up an act was a sense of denial. A big turning point for me was eventually accepting myself as I was and having other people accept me too.

The biggest thing I learnt was that it wasn’t socialising that was so exhausting, it was trying to keep up a pretence that was. I am not saying I always wanted to socialise, but since I dropped all the acts, I found it so much easier. I no longer dreaded social events like I once did as there was no longer any pressure to play a role; I could just be how I wanted to be and only give what I had.

Learning to look after yourself mentally and physically

Apart from the social aspect of things and opening up, I also learnt to be much kinder to myself. Instead of reacting with fear and frustration, I learned to accept how I was feeling with loving acceptance. It made no sense to fight, worry or figure out anymore, as all this just required more mental effort and the very reason for me not only getting to this point in the first place but also staying in the cycle.

I finally had to accept that I wasn’t the happy, confident person I was before, not just to myself but to others. It did not mean I couldn’t be again, but I wasn’t that person in the present moment and instead of fighting and getting frustrated with this fact, I needed to learn to be patient and allow my brain to repair itself at its own pace.

I now concluded that there were four significant points to recovery, and these were to look after myself, fully accept myself as I was, live my life and, more than anything, be patient. This also had to be a lifetime commitment as, initially, I began to look after myself but then as soon as I started to feel better, I fell back into old habits of worry, stress and over-thinking, and found myself struggling again. Once again, I had fallen back into the habit of pushing my brain beyond what it was designed to do, and anything you overuse will result in the same outcome. You can’t push anything beyond its limits and expect it not to break down.

This is why it saddens me when I hear people say “I have been battling with my mental health” and why I always advise them not to. I encourage them to seek help, educate themselves, talk with someone and make changes to improve their overall well-being. I advise them to do all of these things but then explain to them that the last thing you want to do is start battling with your mental health, as battling requires more effort and more thinking. All this does is use up immense brain power and results in more suffering.

This is why trying to worry and think your way better has the complete opposite effect; it wears out that weak and weary brain further. You wouldn’t go for a run on a broken leg, so why keep pounding the brain when the pain is telling you how broken it is feeling at the moment? In its current state, it needs looking after, not thrashing; it doesn’t want any more tasks or worries put on it.

Don’t be afraid to seek help about your mental health

For me, talking about how you feel is one of the most important aspects when it comes to improving your mental well-being. Apart from opening up to those around me, I saw a lovely lady who helped me progress just by listening to me. I had kept so much to myself and hadn’t spoken to anyone about how I felt for years, and once I opened up, I didn’t want to stop. I wasn’t really looking for advice from this woman as I was happy with what I had seen and the improvements I was making, but it was just so nice to have someone who would listen to me without judgement and allowed me to offload.

Learning to listen to my mind and body

Although I started opening up and socialising more, there were times when my brain just didn’t have the energy to be around others and I needed to be alone. During these times, I knew that it just wanted rest. I learnt to listen to the message my suffering was trying to communicate to me instead of fighting with it. When I needed rest, I needed rest, but this was not an excuse to shun the outside world. I knew the importance of living my life and socialising and that it was all about getting the balance right. Even if I felt too drained for company, I could always go out on my bike or take a walk on my own.

Many things helped me become mentally healthy again, some minor and some major changes. Below is a list of the things that really helped with my mental well being.

• Being in the outdoors
• Cutting down on stress and worry
• Simplifying my life
• No longer battling with myself
• Reading up on Buddhist teachings and meditation
• Talking about how I felt
• Resting when I needed to
• Socialising again
• Looking after myself mentally and physically
• Being kind to myself
• Cutting down on alcohol
• Making positive changes to my life and surrounding myself with the right people
• Allowing myself to feel how I did without judgment
• Being very patient and giving myself the time and space I needed
• Dropping all fake personas and masks

It took me a long time to realise that my mental health was even more important than my physical health. It also made sense to me how I got to the point I did and what was keeping me in the cycle. Again I was the cause of my own suffering; I just didn’t see it at the time.

I can’t even explain the difference it made to my mental health when I just fully allowed myself to feel how I did. It cut out 90% of the mental battles I was having at the time and gave my brain the mental break it so craved while giving it the valuable time and space it needed to heal.

As I followed this path and made the changes I did, my mental health improved dramatically. I had to be patient and there were some tough days along the way, but I finally found the mental peace I was looking for. To this day, my physical and mental health is my number one priority and all the lessons I learnt along the way have allowed me to never put myself in that place again.

This article talks about my experience with mental health and what helped me and is not meant to be a cure-all for other mental health problems.

from Blog – Anxiety No More
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2019/06/02/how-anxiety-can-affect-your-mental-health/

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Easter bank holiday closures

Due to the upcoming Easter bank holiday, our office and Infoline will be closed on Friday 19th and Monday 22nd April 2019.. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. We will be open again on Tuesday 23rd April from 9.30am-5.30pm, so please do get in touch if you would like to find out about the support we can offer to those experiencing anxiety, stress and anxiety based depression.

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Why does life bring so much suffering?

Why is life making me suffer?

I used to ask myself this very question, as I always seemed to be in some form of suffering. Yes, I would have some good days along the way, but I spent most of my time unhappy and always seemed to be worrying about something or other.

Life just always seemed against me and wouldn’t fall into my ideal; nothing seemed to go right, and people didn’t act in the way I wanted or say what I thought they should say.

I was always searching for what was missing while thinking the outside could give it to me and so that’s where I looked. I thought, “I just need that promotion, a new car, a new partner, my own home and then I will finally be happy’ yet I achieved most of these things and still peace and happiness eluded me.

I also thought I had to manipulate the world into what I wanted it to be to find peace and happiness. If only I could get others to act how I wanted them to be then, then I would finally be OK. I concluded like so many others do that it was the fault of the outside world and others why was unhappy, so I just needed to make sure the outside and others were how I wanted them to be, and then peace of mind and happiness would follow.

This peace of mind and happiness is what everyone is looking for; they aren’t looking for the new car as a possession, they are looking for how it will make them feel. But how can a lump of metal ever make you feel happy inside? It can’t; it will never fill that lack inside, nothing on the outside can.

I genuinely believe that is why so many people do suffer these days as we are constantly bombarded with how we should look, how much money we should have, what material things we need, what job we need, what relationship we should have. That unless we achieve these things, then we can’t be happy, unfortunately, the consumer market only has one interest, and your inner happiness is not one of them.

I finally realised that finding peace and happiness is an inside job and that the outside may bring snippets here and there, but I won’t find true peace and joy out there if I don’t already feel it within.

Blaming the outside can harm our friendships and relationships.

Blaming the outside for how we are feeling is also why many friendships and relationships can break down, as we mistakenly blame the other person for our emotional disturbance and unhappiness.

Because we blame them for how we are feeling, then we may lash out or think that the answer to our happiness is to change them and this is what ends up causing so much friction and arguments.

We can end up lashing out at others because we genuinely believe that this is what is causing us to feel the way that we do. It is the same with life, if we honestly think that life is making us suffer then we attempt to manipulate it. When this doesn’t work, we get angry, frustrated, stressed and so of course we suffer.

You have no control over others

The simple truth is that we have no control over how others are, who they are is hardwired into them and the result of the experiences they have had in life.

If they truly aren’t the person for you and majority their behaviour genuinely does make you unhappy, then in the most cases you have the choice to leave the relationship or friendship behind.

But if you genuinely love and care for that person and want more peace and less drama in your friendships and relationships then begin to accept them as they are, even if there are little quirks that annoy you, recognise that no one is perfect.

Celebrate the fact we are all different; you cannot mould someone into who you want them to be. All attempts will just make them resent you and cause so much unwanted friction and drama and in some cases end up in you losing that person.

In my days of suffering, I lost a couple of relationships and a good friendship, as I too eventually blamed them for how I was feeling, I concluded that if I was suffering, then it had to be them.

It was only when I took a break and stepped back that I realised that I was the cause of the problems and that I was just projecting and blaming the other person for how I was feeling and so the inevitable break up followed.

It was at this point that I realised that I was doing the same thing with life. I was blaming my lack of happiness and inner peace on life itself. I honestly thought my life was the reason I was suffering and so I either spent all my time complaining about it or trying to manipulate it and then getting angry when it wouldn’t fall into place.

I would complain when it rained, complain when I was stuck in traffic, moan when the shop ran out of milk, get angry if someone cancelled on me, the list was endless.

The irony is that all of these things that I thought were making me suffer, I didn’t have one ounce of control over. Yet, there I was spending my whole day complaining about them!! There were people in the world who had no food, water or transport and could only dream of going to the shop to buy food, to drive a car and be stuck in traffic or have water drop from the sky so they could cure their thirst, and there was I complaining about it all.

I started to understand now that my suffering and my breakdown was not due to life but my non-acceptance of life as it was. It began to make real sense as to why I was always stressed and unhappy.

My lack of happiness and peace was due to my complete resistance and non-acceptance to life as it was and because of this, my mind was never at peace with anything.

When my mind was always disturbed, stressed, worried, complaining then it made sense that I could never be at peace. Life and others didn’t need to change to suit me; this was all down to my attitude changing.

Accepting life is full of ups and downs

The end of so much of my suffering was about seeing life and reality as it truly was and making peace with it, even when things didn’t go my way. I never complained when life went well, so why would I complain when it didn’t? Where was the rule made that it must always go our way?

The truth is that life is full of ups and downs, good and bad things will happen, that was the reality of life. But I never accepted this; life always had to go how I wanted it to, and others must behave how I thought they should. I was at constant war with my experience and then wondered why I suffered as I did!

It seemed utterly crazy to me now that I could ever believe this could be possible and that I could ever think I could find peace with this mindset. The odds of one day going exactly how I felt it should, would be over a billion to one, never mind for the rest of my life.

Life didn’t care about me or my needs; it just carried on regardless, I could either accept the reality of life with all its ups and downs or I could spend all my days suffering by fighting, worrying and getting angry with it. I tried the latter approach for many years, and life always won; it wouldn’t change because I wanted it. I still got stuck in traffic, it continued rained on my day off, and I still couldn’t find my keys when I was late.

I finally accepted that life was a mixture of ups, and downs, highs and lows. Some days great things would happen, and other days everything would go wrong. This process was part of life, and the ones who suffer less are the ones who accept this.

I used to come across people who always seem to be chilled and calm, nothing seemed to go wrong, and I thought they were just lucky. Looking back now, I realise it had nothing to do with luck; they mainly had the same problems as others, but they just accepted them as part of life. It wasn’t life that created their inner calm; it was their attitude towards it.

A true story of how a change in attitude brought less suffering

I have told the story below before, but I think it is worth repeating as it had such an effect on me and taught me a lot about how we create so much of our own suffering.

It is a story about a man who had fought in the gulf war where he lost a leg and half his arm in combat and was bound to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

He said when he first arrived home; he would argue with everyone around him, snap at his partner and children. He wouldn’t accept any help and started drinking heavily. He felt immense frustration and anger due to his situation and what life had thrown at him and fell into a deep depression.

He was on the verge of ending it all and looked at his daughter sleeping, and a sudden realisation hit him. He realised did have so much to live for and that even with his disability he could still enjoy life. He may not look like he did before but inside he felt like the same person, and that it was only the anger at his predicament that was changing his personality.

He said it was at that moment that he fully accepted his situation and with it, this immense calm come over him. He realised he wasn’t suffering because of being in a wheelchair but because he hadn’t accepted it.

This man went on to represent his country in the Paralympics and now does talks all over the country to those in the same situation.

This story hit me very hard when I read it, and it took me back to my non-acceptance of my anxiety that created so much extra suffering. When I initially suffered I was always fighting against it, arguing with it and feeling sorry for myself, not once did I accept my situation.

I remember feeling a similar peace when I let go, and just allowed myself to fall into it, the anxiety was still there, but it felt different now I had finally allowed its presence and all the extra suffering created through the resistance to it fell away.

I realised the same principle held true for my life, that life wasn’t making me suffer, it was my non-acceptance of the ups and downs of it that did. My suffering was telling me that I wasn’t accepting life and others as they were.

This realisation is just pure science that if you allow things to be as they are, then there is nothing to stress or worry about, so then only peace remains. I am not saying this is easy at first, especially when we are conditioned to react differently but with practice, it does start to become a more natural way of being.

My first test came when I was out cycling and had my wallet and phone stolen from my car. Apart from the financial cost, this was a major headache to me as it meant changing all my bank cards, getting a new driving licence and also the hassle of getting a new phone.

But even though all this had happened, I was strangely calm, like I had this inner knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. What had happened was the reality of the situation, and there was no point getting stressed or worried about it, all I could do was go and sort it out.

I would not say that I always reacted correctly and at times I did fall back into old responses, but overall there was a real shift in my attitude and due to this I found a lot more inner peace.

Accepting life as it

Accepting life as it doesn’t mean you don’t try and achieve anything, it’s good to succeed as long as it is not to the detriment of your health.

It also doesn’t mean you shrug your shoulders and stop caring. It means you learn to accept the reality of the situation and then take what action is needed to resolve it in a calm and balanced way. Understanding that getting angry and stressed about it only hurts you and does nothing to change the situation.

I know there are things in life that really test us and I recently had a situation where I couldn’t help but feel the strain of it. I didn’t try and deny this, I accepted the predicament and just did the best I could and allowed the concern to be present while adding no more worry to the mix.

I also realise that some really traumatic things have happened to people in their life that have caused them a lot of pain and they may need extra help and support to work through them.

But I am mainly reaching out to those who continuously stress and worry over everyday problems, things that they have no control over. To help them see that not one person who has lived on this planet has never had anything not go wrong.

I am not saying this new attitude happens overnight, it doesn’t, but life will present you with opportunities every day to practice, and in time the new approach becomes automatic.

It is about training your mind to react differently to a situation, so it spends more time in a calm space and less time in a frantic, worrying state. The less you worry and stress, then the more your mind begins to calm down naturally, and so you start to feel more peace in your life.

So much suffering is self-created

I was the reason I had a breakdown; it wasn’t due to my life or circumstances, it was a wrong vision on my part, a non-acceptance of reality as it was. My life didn’t need to change for me to be happy and find peace, just my relationship with it.

My suffering was actually telling me this and guiding me back to the right path, it forced me to look and change and so it that sense it was a blessing.

You can’t create peace; as it is your natural state, to experience it, then you just need to stop doing the things that are disturbing it. My worrying, complaining and stressing is what took me away from it. You look at anyone who suffers, and in most cases, you will find a chronic worrier, stressor or someone who always expects things to go their way. Life won’t fall into place for them to no longer suffer, only a change in attitude and perception will.

Life still brings me the same problems and challenges as it did before but my reaction and way of dealing with them are entirely different. I no longer spend my time pointlessly complaining or worrying, and due to this, I have a much more peace in my life.

Life didn’t change to bring me far more peace and happiness, I did.

This post was written by Paul David, author of the best selling book on recovering from anxiety ‘At last a life’. If you would like more help and advice on overcoming anxiety then just visit my website https://anxietynomore.co.uk

from Anxiety No More Blog
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/11/06/1468/

from https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

#anxiety #stress

Healing your anxiety requires you to understand what created it in the first place

Hi Everyone,

Again apologies for the lack of posting recently, I have just had so much work to do on the main site recently which is still ongoing. Anyway, I hope people find the below post useful.

I recently wrote a tweet that ended up being one of the most liked and retweeted ones I have put together, so I decided to expand on it in the blog post. Also if you would like to follow me on twitter then you will find me at @anxietynomoreuk

Firstly the original tweet is below

Recovery is not just about going through a process of healing past suffering, it is truly understanding what created that suffering in the first place so you no longer recreate it. You can’t heal while doing the exact things that caused you to suffer in the first place.

The point is pretty obvious, in that if you are going through a process of healing, yet still doing the things that caused you to suffer in the first place, then healing will not happen, as all you will do is keep recreating your initial suffering.

One of the main things I did through my own recovery was pinpoint the very thing that was causing me to suffer in the first place and then concentrate on that. I had no hope at all of recovering if I didn’t understand what was initially causing me to feel the way I did.

Eventually, I had zero interest in treating my symptoms, I just wanted to pull out the root. Going for massages, doing yoga, meditating and drinking chamomile tea is all well and good and I have nothing against it, but in most cases, it is to try and calm the symptoms and not eliminate the cause of the suffering. I know of many sufferers who go on relaxing retreats and whilst on them feel great, but yet come home and carry on as they were before. They often just get addicted to how they felt when they were on the retreat and so continually book in for another. When they would be far better finding out why they felt the need to go on the retreat in the first place, what is the cause of their constant stress and discomfort?

This may seem like a silly analogy, but it was the one that I used because it made sense to me.

So let’s say I had this baking machine at home which made lovely cakes and as these lovely cakes were being produced I started to eat them. The trouble is I could no longer eat the number of cakes being produced so I began to store them. The only trouble now is that they were taking up huge amounts of space in my house and I could barely walk around.

So to deal with this I approached a local company who said they would transport the cakes to the local tip to be disposed of for a small daily fee. At last, I had found a solution to my problem. So each day as the cakes were being made, I would place them in boxes and load them on to the van. The trouble now was that this was getting way too expensive and it was also very tiring work, I had not solved the problem at all! Then one day I realised that the only lasting solution was to no longer create the cakes in the first place, I needed to pull the plug from the machine and all my problems were solved. Why had I never thought of this before?

Again this may seem a silly way of putting my point across, but it is the exact same principle. If you are still creating your symptoms, then the problems will still exist.

So a very simple example would be that you can’t recover from the symptoms of worry and stress, whilst you are still worrying and stressing. You have to stop creating the worry and stress so that you can then go through a healing process of the symptoms that the initial worry and stress created.

I will give you some of my own examples from my days of suffering. When I was at my worst I used to worry and obsess daily about how I was feeling, I would spend all day constantly trying to think my way better. This constant mental effort eventually pushed my mind beyond its limits, so it became incredibly exhausted and so I felt the symptoms of this. The outside world would look very grey and lifeless, my thinking became slow and laboured and I had no motivation or interest in anything whilst also feeling detached from my surroundings. What I mistakenly did then is worry and think deeply about these new symptoms, which only served to exhaust my mind even further. This process is exactly what kept me in the cycle of mental exhaustion and why nothing ever changed.

To recover I had to realise what was causing me to feel the way I did, why did I feel so detached and confused? why was the world appearing so grey and one dimensional? why was my thinking so laboured?   Once I realised that I was mentally exhausted through over thinking, worrying and obsessing about how I felt, then I knew for me to recover that not only did I have to stop doing these things but that I also had to give space and time for the suffering I had created to heal. This is exactly what I did, I just allowed my mind to feel as detached and as worn out as it needed to be. I no longer tried to fix the symptoms. I didn’t worry and obsess over how I felt and so with the break my mind now had, this symptom of exhaustion healed. It didn’t have a prayer of healing before with the cycle I was in, as through a process of trying to fix myself I was creating the exact thing I was trying to get rid of.

It was the same when I felt extremely self-aware, it was like I could no longer get my attention off the subject of anxiety or me. I had seemingly lost the ability to be part of the world around me. I would be talking with someone and my thoughts would be constantly reverting back to me, which made me no longer feel part of the conversation. Even when doing everyday tasks I found I could barely concentrate, my attention would not shift from me and my inner space, it was terribly frustrating.

Again I initially fought this feeling, trying to overcome it through more deep thinking and fighting. Going from trying to ignore it to trying to defeat it and yet nothing worked. Again I didn’t know that the very trying to get out of it was the exact reason I was staying in the cycle. Eventually, I understood that my awareness was constantly on me through a habit that I had created. All I had thought about for years was me so of course my awareness was always focused there.

I had not thought or been part of the outside world for so long, the only thing that ever concerned me and took up my attention was my inner world. So the desperate attempts to try and defeat this symptom just had me back on me, my awareness was on me more than ever and this is why nothing was changing. Again I initially failed to see the root cause of the problem and just kept trying to treat the symptoms.

So I realised the only way out of this was to just let go of obsessing about me and my inner space and shift my awareness to the outside world again. Of course, this would take time and my awareness would still revert back to me for a while as the habit died down and this was absolutely fine. To recover from this was a slow process as my attention had been on me for so many years. I just started engaging with the outside world more, shifted my focus on to other things and in time the habit weakened and eventually my whole awareness was back on my surroundings and I hardly thought about me or the condition anymore. Again I needed to find out what was causing this feeling to be free of it. It is amazing when we drill everything down and realise we are the creator of so much of our own suffering.

It was the exact same thing my feelings of anxiety that I worried and fought with for years. My initial anxiety was brought on through stress and worry and then when the severe anxiety hit I had a new thing to stress and worry about and hence why nothing changed. I had to first realise that stress and worry was the initial cause of my anxiety and so find a way to cut right back on this and then allow the symptoms of my anxiety to heal. This really is the whole basis of what allowing is about. You are not doing it to try and feel better, you are doing it so as to allow your mind and body to heal.

I took a while before I realised that I had created this anxious energy within me through stress and worry and me feeling anxious was just my bodies way of releasing what I had created. So the best thing I could do was to allow this anxiety to be present, it was the only way I could be free of it. Trying numerous techniques to suppress it was utterly pointless and counterproductive. No one has ever defeated anxiety through struggle, effort or through suppressing as it doesn’t work that way.

It is the same as someone who suffers from panic attacks, this is just a more intense build-up of this energy. Going through a panic attack is just your bodies way of releasing all this extra energy. It is the same principle as when a volcano explodes, it is just releasing all that excess energy within that it can no longer store and then when it has released it then goes back to being calm. The reason many people who suffer from panic attacks continue to suffer with them is that they constantly worry about things or how they are feeling and so end up recreating the energy that has been released, again it is a cycle that continues until seen.

So as you can see, my own recovery came through a deep understanding of what was causing the suffering in the first place. Realising I had to stop doing what was causing me to suffer and then going through a process of allowing my past suffering to heal.

There was no amazing realisation that made it all go away, I had to go through a process of healing like everyone else. A big part of ending the constant search is to realise that there is no miracle answer out there or quick fix. You just have to be able to see the truth behind what is causing you to feel the way you do, cut out what is causing the suffering and then go through a process of healing. There really is no fight to be had.

When you truly understand the process, then you realise that all your attempts to get out of the condition were the exact reason you stayed in it.

Paul

If you would like more information on overcoming anxiety, then visit my site anxietynomore. If you would like to know more about my book then visit At Last a Life

from Anxiety No More Blog
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/07/25/1365/

from https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

#anxiety #stress

How to be free of over thinking

Hi Everyone

I am sorry for not posting much recently, I have just been super busy with the audio book and updating the main site and this blog, mainly giving both a makeover and also making them both mobile and tablet ready. Every thing changes at a fast rate and so you have to constantly keep up.

I am also in the middle of creating a youtube channel and will let people know when this is complete. I will just keep adding helpful videos as and when I get the time. I will also be adding a lot more new content to the main site in the next few months and hopefully posting here more regular.

Well on to todays post. I am actually not going to copy and paste today, as the information has been created through me completely rewriting a page on my site, so I will just post a link to it. The subject is obsessive/worrying thinking and how to overcome it. This seems a real stumbling block for people, so hopefully the information can help people move forward with this. Just click on on the link below to access.

How to be free of negative thoughts and obsessive, overthinking.

from Anxiety No More Blog
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/05/24/1163/

from https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

#anxiety #stress

New Blog coming

Just to let everyone know the blog is having a total new theme installed. This is mainly because this one is not mobile and tablet friendly, but also because it is a very old version and needs updating to a more, crisp and professional looking one.

The blog will be down for a day as this happens, most likely this Monday coming and will hopefully be back up within 24 hours.

Hope people like the new look and I will start posting new material again soon, things have just been hectic with all the changes I have been making.

Paul

from A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/05/02/790/

from https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

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At Last a Life Audio Book

I am not one for promoting anything and will take this down after a few days, so please keep commenting on the other posts. But a few people have been asking when the audio book is finally ready and today everything has been completed. If anyone is interested it t comes as an instant download to listen to on your mobile or PC or as a 5 CD set. For more information and to purchase the link is here – Audio book

I have also had some major design changes to the website and it is also now available to view in mobile and tablet and has been made fully secure with a SSL certificate. A lot more will be added to the site in the next few months, so keep checking back.

Paul

from A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers
https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/04/10/564/

from https://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

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A few updates

A few things to update.

Firstly I have joined Instagram and will be putting up quotes of my own and not using any that I have not created myself. I will be posting very soon, if anyone would like to follow me I am here http://ift.tt/2pqZ2Q9

Also the website is having a major overhaul at the minute and one of the things that will change is it will be fully compatible with mobile and tablet. It also gives me full control, so I will be adding more articles and information on a regular basis.
I am also going to be doing podcast on there soon and will be doing other things in the next 12 months.

Finally the Audio book is now ready and I have it on C.D and the hold up is being caused by Amazon wanting 75% commission if I sell it outside of them. So I am currently finding an alternative as this seems far too high. It will be available as soon as I have sorted this out.

Here is a sample track so people can hear what it sounds like. I was going to read it myself, but decided on hiring a professional who’s voice really suited the book.

from A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers
http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/03/20/560/

from http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

#anxiety #stress

"The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to except and what to let go."- Dodinsky | Anxiety and stress

"The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to except and what to let go."- Dodinsky
is now on my pinterest Anxiety and stress board. Read more here:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/265853184237796391

from https://www.pinterest.com/r/pin/265853184237796391/4766733815989148850/7d4325d6629e9d91b6d6664cb3aae2138cdfa5be79d927f5dd281851ea5d0710

#anxiety #stress #holistic #health

Serotonin is neurotransmitter that plays a key role in a variety of mental disorders, and many medications target the serotonin in your brain. Many antidepressants, for example, are SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. #serotonin #naturalremedies #mentalhealth | Anxiety and stress

Serotonin is neurotransmitter that plays a key role in a variety of mental disorders, and many medications target the serotonin in your brain. Many antidepressants, for example, are SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. #serotonin #naturalremedies #mentalhealth
is now on my pinterest Anxiety and stress board. Read more here:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/265853184237618998

from https://www.pinterest.com/r/pin/265853184237618998/4766733815989148850/dad2ab0440d3a4cc2bd89d98763c6e044c4b641e260503e44377f42b4508c43a

#anxiety #stress #holistic #health

How to allow anxiety

Allowing

Your anxious energy is not something to get rid of or suppress. You can’t destroy energy and suppressing it just keeps it within. The way to be free of this energy is to allow it fully. You think you want liberation from this anxious energy, when the truth is, it want’s liberation from you. This is why is keeps coming up, it wants to be free of you, just as much as you want to be free of it.

Most people never allow themselves to feel this energy, they avoid places/situations, drink too much, over exercise, take drugs/medication, distract themselves in activities, they search the net for ways to get rid of it, look for gurus, try to perfect techniques, fight, suppress, spend all day in their heads trying to feel different. In doing this people get worse, as there is nothing more mentally draining and exhausting than constantly being at war with yourself, it is like lashing out at an invisible enemy that you have no chance of ever defeating. Also all this resisting, the constant struggle is the main cause of your suffering. The absolute best you can do is force some temporary peace, but then the energy goes nowhere, so the problems persist and the constant search for temporary peace continues. Whatever you constantly try to suppress will always keep on knocking until you finally give up your pointless pursuit for temporary peace and allow its presence within you.

Many people spend their lives in this loop, I did for 10 years until I finally realised the only thing I had not done was allow myself to feel the way I did. When I looked into this approach deeply then it made utter sense to me why this would free me of this energy that I had done everything to try and avoid feeling. It made sense how much struggle and resistance would fall away, how much more of a break my poor over worked mind would get, how much wasted brain energy it would free up. How if I wasn’t so concentrated on fixing me, then my awareness could go back on life and I would start to feel more real. It made sense to me that this was the only way forward. It wasn’t the day I recovered, as I still had so much anxious and fearful energy to release and for a while things heightened as now I was fully open to feeling how I did. It was like opening a tap and everything that I had suppressed came rushing up and it wasn’t always pleasant to face. But I truly understood the process that was happening, I didn’t see it as bad thing anymore, in fact quite the opposite, I didn’t think I was regressing on any given bad day. In fact quite the opposite, I saw it as my body finally releasing what needed to be released, I saw it as a step nearer to being free of anxiety.

The main 2 reasons people go back to fighting/suppressing is because the brains automatic reaction is to try and fight off uncomfortable feelings. This is why you/your brain needs to understand that feeling this anxious energy is a good thing, that when you are free of this anxious energy, then all that is left is peace. The other reason is many people don’t have the patience to go through this process, they think once they understand something then they should feel great, if something doesn’t work instantly, then they go back to searching for temporary peace. I personally figured I could either allow myself to go through a few months of discomfort and be free or spend a life time trying to find temporary peace and get nowhere.

A lot of people will say to me ‘Yes but it is not the anxious energy that is the problem, it is going to a supermarket, driving etc, that is the problem’ my reply is ‘No, these places are not the cause of your anxiety, they are just triggering the anxious energy that is within, if you were free of this anxious energy then you would not feel such a reaction to normal situations. If the problem was in these places, then everyone would feel this way, the truth is, they don’t. So don’t put the problem on the place or situation, the problem is not there, that is just a trigger for what is within, the problem is never on the outside, the problem is within. So there is no reason to avoid these places. See them as a place that triggers in you what needs to be released and allow the reaction.

When you are free of this stored up anxious/fear energy then you will only get anxious/fearful when you are in a real danger. We need this reaction to keep us safe and protect us. The problem only occurs when we accumulate too much of this energy (usually through a prolonged period of worry and stress) and we feel it it normal every day situations or as a constant feeling. This is a clear wake up call to allow this energy to be felt, as uncomfortable as it is to do so, you can never be free of what you refuse to feel.

I hope that helps people. I think I have covered anxiety quite a lot recently, so I will talk more on other aspects of anxiety and will do a post on disturbing thoughts next.

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

New Anxietynomore App

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxietynomoreapp.html

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

Follow me on Twitter @anxietynomoreuk or on Facebook www.facebook.com/anxietynomoreuk

from A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers
http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2018/01/23/555/

from http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog

#anxiety #stress

Anxiety UK’s Christmas 2017 opening hours

Please note we will be closed the following days over the forthcoming festive period –

Monday 25^th December

Tuesday 26^th December

Monday 1^st January 2018

All other days we will be open as usual 9am-5.30pm.

The post Anxiety UK’s Christmas 2017 opening hours appeared first on Anxiety UK.

from Anxiety UK
http://ift.tt/2B8vcs9

from http://ift.tt/1p5GNXV

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Knowledge of anxiety and fear can only take you so far

Knowledge can only take you so far

Avoidance of life is never due to the fact that life is this big scary thing to no longer engage in, it is due to the fact that we don’t want to feel anxiety/fear and so we avoid life in the hope of not feeling it. Life itself is never at fault here, it spins exactly the same for all of us, it is only our minds fears and perceptions that make it appear different.

I had many aha’s moments in my own recovery and realised that life was not to blame for my fear and anxiety, if it was, we would all be scared of the same things and avoiding life which that simply is not the case, most people happily engage in it and find joy in doing so. I realised that if life was not to blame, then I had to stop avoiding it. By doing so I was teaching my mind that it was a scary place to be avoided and with this approach my life became narrower and narrower and my minds fears just grew.

I then realised that by building up my knowledge I was trying to get to the point where I had such a aha moment that I would be able to get rid of fear and anxiety and just go out live again. I realised this approach would never bring any real results and would be an endless waiting period and that if I wanted my life back, then I had to take the plunge and go out and live it once again. I had to understand that through my past avoidance behaviours my mind would still have a lot of worries and fears when engaging with life fully again, even if they were false.

There really was no getting past the fact that if I wanted to my life back then knowledge would not do this for me, the only way to get my life back was to go and live it fearlessly. This does not mean that fear would not arise, it means I understood it would do and that the feeling fear was part of growth. Its presence was a sign of me stepping out of my comfort zones and building new habits, beliefs and perceptions. My mind would come up with every reason I should stay within my comfort zones, as it would falsely believe that it was keeping me safe. I don’t blame it as I had taught it that the outside was to be avoided, it was just doing its job and trying to protect me, but I needed to teach it that life was not something to be avoided, I had to teach it that I was fine and I did not need its protection anymore and within time it would listen.

I also realised that it was never about trying to get rid of fear, it is a hard wired part of each persons mind, it was about being OK with the feeling of fear. I am not saying you have to enjoy it, it’s not a nice feeling, but ultimately it is a harmless surge of energy that has its limits. I didn’t like the feeling of fear, but in time I lost my fear of it and in doing so I was then no longer moved by its presence, I could make my own decisions on what I wanted to do and that is when my life started to expand once again. My minds perspective also changed hugely with engaging in life once again, as my minds fears started to fall away and it no longer fired off its protection when it was not needed. I had taught it through non avoidance that actually engaging fully in life was fine. I was its teacher and it was my pupil and the best way to teach it would come through my actions.

I always tell people I never came to some huge understanding and then I was fine. Once I understood things then I still had to go through a period of reversing everything which entailed feeling anxiety and fear. I just came to the conclusion that if avoidance had created so many problems, then the answer to reverse this was abvious and yes this would entail a lot of discomfort at times, but getting my life back was far more important than that.

Some people believe they can rid themselves of fear and anxiety through knowledge alone and so jump from one person to the next hoping to be free of anxiety and fear in one go. In doing so they stay stuck in seeking mode as they don’t want to go through the period of discomfort that is needed to reverse the process of avoidance.

Yes knowledge does help unmask a lot of myths about anxiety/fear, it helps you to be able to accept its presence better through understanding it, it helps to understand why you are doing what you are doing and the process you have to go through. But at the end of the day, knowledge is pointless if you never take the actual leap to go out and live your life once again, it beats any amount of knowledge hands down.

I am not saying it is easy and a lot of people may get defensive and go on about how tough it is. I understand this, it was for me also, but it is through the toughest moments that real freedom comes. Even if you make small steps at first and stay committed to expand your life little by little on a daily basis, then this enough to start the process of reversal. Building my understanding was massive for me, but the only reason I live my life fully now was by engaging in living again no matter how I felt.

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An inspirational music score set to raise funds for two charities close to choir founder’s heart

A unique and innovative fundraising initiative has been launched today – World Kindness Day, 13^th November 2017 – by Mary Bourne, founder and musical director of the Singing it Back community choir to raise funds for two charities close to her own heart.

Anxiety UK and Action For Happiness have been chosen by Mary to benefit from the funds raised from other community choirs downloading the score and utilising with their own choirs repertoire in the coming months.

Already performed and recorded by the 76 singers from Mary’s three Singing It Back choirs, accompanied by the Woking Wind Orchestra, the score for “Do You Hear My Voice” was written and produced by Mary herself.

It can now be downloaded free from her website with voluntary donations able to be made for the use of the score via http://ift.tt/2mmHjuG.

Commenting on the unique fundraising idea Mary Bourne said: “All too often we suffer in silence.  “Do You Hear My Voice” encourages us to raise our voices, be heard and feel understood.

“I am hopeful that choirs, schools, individuals, choral societies, soloists, families and friends will download the score for “Do You Hear My Voice” which is available as a free download on my website and enjoy learning and performing the song.

“By giving a voluntary donation for the music, you will be supporting my two chosen charities; AnxietyUK and Action For Happiness.”

Anxiety UK’s Chief Executive Nicky Lidbetter said: “We are thrilled that Mary has chosen Anxiety UK as one of the charities to benefit from this wonderful initiative and generous gesture.

“I know form my own experience of singing in a community choir how relaxing and therapeutic it can be and this is a fantastic way of capturing how music has helped Mary.”

Dr Mark Williamson, Director at Action For Happiness said: “Singing is a fantastic way to boost wellbeing and bring people together in local communities. Mary’s project is so inspiring and I’m sure people all around the country will want to get involved.

“It’s wonderful that Action for Happiness and Anxiety UK are the chosen charities for this fantastic initiative. This means that when people support this project they’ll also be helping to promote good mental wellbeing for thousands of others too”

A campaign to promote awareness of the event is also launched today using #DoYouHearMyVoice at the forefront of social media activity.

It is recommended the SSA + Men score for choirs who wish to sing in harmony. A unison score is also available. There is a piano accompaniment but the song can also be sung a cappella .

You can also enjoy listening to the song at the YouTube link below.  It was recorded with 76 choir members and a 24 piece wind band. It was a fantastic experience with many hours of hard work. Every donation is greatly appreciated and goes directly to the two charities.

Even if you are not part of a choir, you can get involved by printing the score and encouraging others to learn the song. Perhaps your children are part of a newly formed school choir looking for an uplifting accessible piece of music.  There are various versions of the score to enable as many as possible to get involved, regardless of musical experience.

The music can be downloaded at http://ift.tt/2yWW0e4

Watch the video via the YouTube link – https://youtu.be/cStDoj6Hgns

ENDS

Notes to Editors

About Mary

My name is Mary Bourne and I am a community choir leader. I’ve been leading choirs for the past 10 years. I have written a song called “do you hear my voice?” I am sharing the music to raise money for AnxietyUK and Action for Happiness. Everybody has a voice, some more confident than others, but all voices are important. The way we use our voices can leave us feeling empowered and valued. My work as a choir leader and singer has helped me find coping strategies to my manage my own experience of Anxiety and Depression.  There have been times in my own life where I have felt voiceless or misunderstood.  Singing has enabled me to share my emotions in a safe way. The lyrics within a song are often a way for me to express how I am feeling.  I hope that my composition resonates with many.

 

About Anxiety UK

Anxiety UK is run by and for those living with and/or affected by anxiety disorders, stress and depression. With over 47 years’ experience of providing support, Anxiety UK delivers a range of services including a national information line, and talking therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), counselling and clinical hypnotherapy through its network of Anxiety UK Approved Therapists.

For more information on any of Anxiety UK’s services including training, partnership and consultancy services contact: info@anxietyuk.org.uk, call 0161 226 7727 or visit: www.anxietyuk.org.uk.

About Action for Happiness

Action for Happiness is a movement of people committed to building a happier and more caring society. We want to see a fundamentally different way of life – where people care less about what they can get just for themselves and more about the happiness of others.

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